Amanda the Great by Amanda El-Dweek for July 10, 2019

They’re sure they have coupons for half of the items, and the coupons are just in there somewhere.

Argh! Grocery lines …..

And this is why they have those self check out lines. Or go to the 24 hour stores at 4 in the morning to buy your stuff. Just tell those people who you are and they’ll let you go to the front of the line. You can give them your autograph later.

Get in line just behind me – when my items (many or few regardless) are on the belt, a new line will open guaranteed. Be prepared to jump.

But with those few items, I’d let you pass anyway.

It’s one those corollaries to Murphy’s Law — the other line always moved faster. Sort of like: A falling object will always land where it will do the most damage.

The other line always moves faster. Switching lines screws everything up.

I am the guy who finds himself in front of very long lines and nobody comes after… I’m the perpetual “Last of the line”.

I may acquire something in a long line that doesn’t move, but it is definitely not virtues!

I always get the slowest line. Not by choice; it just turns out that way. The self-checkout lines aren’t much better as I generally get stuck behind shoppers who apparently have never done the self-checkout line before.

Come to think of it, I have the same sort of luck in traffic. No matter which lane I choose, the drivers in front of me immediately become the slowest drivers on the freeway.

I’m beginning to think that maybe this is all the result of a curse from when I inadvertently cut in line in front of a Gypsy at some point. I guess it could have been worse.

I used to have problems like that. Now I’m on disability, I walk almost everywhere with a very nice walker with a seat should I need it, and I’m in the sweltering HELL that is Florida (save me…).

Take as long as you like in front of me. The stores are all air conditioned and cooler than home. I’m rarely in a hurry, because I have chores to do when I get home (I haven’t listed anything on eBay in over a week!) and I just like to goof off in such heat.

I haven’t been in a slow lane in years. Now when I used to be in a hurry, THEN the lines were long and slow.

Those dreaded words, “price check on cashiers station number three”.

Debit or credit cards are the way I go. I haven’t written a check in years.

And here I thought I was the line jinx.

And you have to stay in line because it is bad luck to change lines.

Uh-oh, it’s 8:23 a.m., Eastern, on 7/11, and the new comic isn’t up, yet…

Meanwhile, Georgia Dunne has adapted “Hamilton” into a week of material. Broadway, 80s TV, there must be something inspiring out there…