Freshly Squeezed by Ed Stein for August 20, 2023

Give Irv some time honey. You’re not dead yet.

My Mother died of Parkinsons; my Dad had been her sole caregiver. After she died, he hooked up with a “girlfriend” and lived with her. While he was able to care for himself, he suddenly started playing helpless (she even put his socks on for him). I guess he felt it was HIS turn. He did NOT, however, marry her.

Don’t ask questions you aren’t fully prepared to have answered in a way you least expect.

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

“After a considerable period of grieving,” he says, “I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I guess so.”

“If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house,” the wife asks, “would she sleep in our bed?”

“Well, the bed is brand-new. It’s going to last a long time. I guess she would.”

“If I died and you remarried and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”

“Oh, no,” the husband replies. “She’s left-handed.”

Let’s see, it could be Ruth, Carrie, or any of the women from church. Or someone from the bridge club, or from our seniors group. Oh yeah, maybe it’ll be, nah, maybe it’ll be. Ooh! I’ll put her on the list.

It is a competition between her and her daughter to find out who can be the most annoying!!

My wife told one of her friends she had to take care of me after she died or my wife would haunt her. Fortunately, a different friend kept in touch in me.

At this point, the wise (or at least long-married) husband rolls over, closes his eyes, and says, with strong emphasis, “Good night, dear.”

Hilarious