Tonight I’m expanding my theme to include not only the Irish, but all of the UK. It was actually a canny Scot (aren’t they all?) who told me the differences between the major factions in those islands:
The Scots keep the Sabbath…and anything else they can get their hands on.
The Welsh pray on their knees, and (prey) on their neighbors.
The Irish don’t know what they want, but they’re willing to die for it.
And the English are self-made men, thereby absolving The Almighty of all responsibility.
A man decided that he was going to ride his bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.
He stuck his thumb out but after 3 hours, hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car.
The owner of the Vette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. Then he tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got to going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.
Everything was fine for the first 30 miles.
Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them.
Not to be outdone, the guy pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the two Corvettes, were both going well over 120 mph and blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speed from his radar gun and radioed to another officer that he had the two cars headed his way at over 120 mph. He then said, “and your not going to believe this, but there’s guy on a bicycle honking to pass”.
Makes me feel fortunate to have no neighbors like that Marcus fellow.
Take care, may local Juvenile Hall frequenter Sean “Hey, I’ve Made Friends In Here That I Can Rely On, Not Like Those Sissies At School” Pennord be with you, and gesundheit.
During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation, so one London hospital started trying to use animal parts instead.
A man who had lost his eye, arm, and penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.
Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle. Instead of his lost arm, they gave him an arm from a gorilla. Instead of his lost penis, they gave him an elephant trunk.
A month after surgery, he had a checkup to see if there was any rejection. The surgeon who performed the transplant asked the man how he was faring with his eye transplant.
The patient replied, “Oh, it’s great! My vision has improved a lot. I can spot people miles away, and I find anything I’m looking for without any problems.”
“How has the gorilla arm worked for you?”
“It’s great! It really helps me at work lifting heavy things, and I am more popular. When the guys want to arm wrestle, I win every time, and it also seems to attract the ladies as well!”
“And has the elephant trunk sufficed?”
“Well, I don’t want to complain or anything, but it keeps trying to stuff grass into my arse…”
eromlig almost 3 years ago
Tonight I’m expanding my theme to include not only the Irish, but all of the UK. It was actually a canny Scot (aren’t they all?) who told me the differences between the major factions in those islands:
The Scots keep the Sabbath…and anything else they can get their hands on.
The Welsh pray on their knees, and (prey) on their neighbors.
The Irish don’t know what they want, but they’re willing to die for it.
And the English are self-made men, thereby absolving The Almighty of all responsibility.
eromlig almost 3 years ago
“Left shoulder”? Bah! — When I’m reading a good novel, I steer with my knees.
Templo S.U.D. almost 3 years ago
Marcus sure has a lot of time on his hands for that kind of pyromania or whatever.
Bilan almost 3 years ago
I’ve heard of Ephemeral art, but Marcus’ art literally goes up in smoke.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 3 years ago
This is for Jack Dumper:
A man decided that he was going to ride his bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.
He stuck his thumb out but after 3 hours, hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car.
The owner of the Vette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. Then he tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got to going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.
Everything was fine for the first 30 miles.
Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them.
Not to be outdone, the guy pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the two Corvettes, were both going well over 120 mph and blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speed from his radar gun and radioed to another officer that he had the two cars headed his way at over 120 mph. He then said, “and your not going to believe this, but there’s guy on a bicycle honking to pass”.
Until next time.
therese_callahan2002 almost 3 years ago
Mr. Dove, allow me to introduce Bruce Cockburn.
Say What Now‽ Premium Member almost 3 years ago
That buffalo stole my line!
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 3 years ago
Makes me feel fortunate to have no neighbors like that Marcus fellow.
Take care, may local Juvenile Hall frequenter Sean “Hey, I’ve Made Friends In Here That I Can Rely On, Not Like Those Sissies At School” Pennord be with you, and gesundheit.
NeedaChuckle Premium Member almost 3 years ago
How does he tie it to the handlebar?
FassEddie almost 3 years ago
During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation, so one London hospital started trying to use animal parts instead.
A man who had lost his eye, arm, and penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.
Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle. Instead of his lost arm, they gave him an arm from a gorilla. Instead of his lost penis, they gave him an elephant trunk.
A month after surgery, he had a checkup to see if there was any rejection. The surgeon who performed the transplant asked the man how he was faring with his eye transplant.
The patient replied, “Oh, it’s great! My vision has improved a lot. I can spot people miles away, and I find anything I’m looking for without any problems.”
“How has the gorilla arm worked for you?”
“It’s great! It really helps me at work lifting heavy things, and I am more popular. When the guys want to arm wrestle, I win every time, and it also seems to attract the ladies as well!”
“And has the elephant trunk sufficed?”
“Well, I don’t want to complain or anything, but it keeps trying to stuff grass into my arse…”
FGWaiss almost 3 years ago
ROTFLMAO!!