Diamond Lil by Brett Koth for October 01, 2023

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a rum …………………. and coke.”

The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?”

The bear shrugs. “I was born with them.”

A Roman walks in to a bar and says “I’ll have a martinus.”

The bartender says “you mean a martini?”

The Roman replies “no, if I wanted a double I would have asked for one.”

A termite walks into the bar. He sits down and asks “hey, is the bartender?”A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”A Horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, you’re in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?”

The horse ponders for a minute then responds “I don’t think I am.” And poof, he disappears.

This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they’re familiar with Descartes’ famous postulate, “I think, therefore I am.”

But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Russian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, Two Kiwis, a German, and American, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Romanian, a Dane, an Israeli, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Greek, a Norwegian, an Ethiopian, a Nigerian and a Chilean walk into a nightclub.

The bouncer steps in front of the group. “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

Oh my, see what you started!!!

Gird up one’s loins. This expression comes from the Bible (Proverbs 31:17) and originally alluded to tucking up the traditional long robe into a girdle (that is, a belt) so it will not hamper physical activity.

Vino needs to breathe fresh air so the full flavors surface…hiccccup

I’ve got one I just made up (and it’s awful!):

Two Lungs walk into a bar and order a Lite Beer. The Bartender says “You don’t have enough for this beer.” Well, you know what they say, “Two Lungs don’t make a Lite…”

( ͡~ ﹏ʖ ͡~ )

should have kept the cork in on this one

What Yakety Sax says …!

I was OK until “put Descartes before the horse”. Then I groaned. Well done.

When I want to gird my loins, I’ll dress like Howard!

A skeleton walks into a bar. Bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “A beer and a mop.”

A minister, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Is this some kind of joke?”