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You should never threaten something you canāt hold them to. IMO, never threaten to take away meals. Treats, yes, dessert, yes, but not the actual meal. Itās neglect to starve your child (and isnāt he like 5 or 6 in this? Thatās a long time to go without food)
A lot of kids this age will have days where they donāt want to eat much, even if it is something they like. So yea, missing one meal is unlikely to starve them. In fact, if theyāre like a lot of the little porkers I see running around these days at McDonaldsā¦ it might do em some good :P
I agree with mcveinot. Yes take away the dessert but not the meal. To AllanVS from yesterday, the disciplary action was because Michael showed his mother disrespect. He wasnāt complaining about the meal so the punishment didnāt fit the crime. Depriving a kid of food because he gave you the raspberry isnāt a proper punishment. Iād give him a spanking but I know the liberals here will label that child abuse. However a few smacks on the backside and being sent to his room to think about his bad behaviour should help considerably more than depriving him of his supper.
I agree, do not ever threaten what you wonāt deliver, but one missed meal is not starving a child nor is it neglect. Do most families even have dessert every night? Whatās she gonna do, make a special dessert just so he canāt have any?
Half the time following through with a half baked discipline idea teaches the parent to watch their mouth!
I disagree that withholding dinner didnāt fit the crime. Granted, I never withheld dinner from my kids, but being disrespectful always called up punishments to help which ever of my three was being disrespectful see that Mom was their provider, their caretaker, their protector and respect was a must. When my kids were disrespectful - if a tempertantrum was involved, early bed, time outs and witholding something I did for them was usually the mode WITH a discussion of what their actions were that presented the results: no taxi service, no laundry, meals were not withheld, but āhome cooked dinnersā were. They didnāt get to sit at the table with the rest of us to eat dinner, they went to bed with a sandwhich and an apple. My children and I are incredibly close - and they are respectful to me and their elders. But I respect them too. .. itās a two way street.
Itās probably harder on you, but stick to your guns!
Not being a parent - just an uncle - Iām not in this situation often but I think Bethanna makes two important points. 1)TALK about the situation, donāt just punish & 2)respect IS a two-way journey. The guidance in youth goes a long way for all of us to respect each other & our diversitiesā¦and ourselelves.
Parents had better get a handle on their kids when they are young or you will have very willful teenagers ten years down the line. And those horrible teens may never end up as responsible adults. You have to do it for our future.
Ideally, no mother would ever lose her temper and punish in stress, frustration, and anger; this doesnāt teach the child anything except to hate and resent capricious & arbitrary punishment. But in real life you can recover from it if you calm down, then tell the child āI was angry and said something I shouldnāt have, and Iām sorry for that. You deserve to be punished, but not what I said, so I am changing the punishment toā whatever is appropriate. This teaches a far better lesson to both parent and child without abandoning discipline.
Iām sticking to the natural consequences theory of child rearing that worked so well with my family, and is working so well with my grandkids. Instead of unnatural re-actions that have no connection to disagreeable or intolerable behaviors, I used to let my rudely behaving kids learn the reason why such behavior is not mutually acceptable at home or in the outside world, and how they actually benefit from following those rules. If they behaved like Michael, I might razz them back when they ask for a buck, or when they show me a note to sign for a school trip, or if they ask me to make them a sandwich - and do nothing. The behavior stops pretty quick when they THINK and UNDERSTAND the truth about the social codes they must eventually live with throughout their lives, instead of an artificial punishment as quick payment - sometimes a payment that is worth it to them to repeat the behavior. For instance many traffic officers report that little kids swatted on the butt for running in the street are MORE likely to be hit by cars than those forced to remain inside till they stop; the kids who will get smacked look toward the house for the parent who will hit when they enter the road, instead of looking in the street for the cars that may kill. But I also know that most kids giving loving discipline of many, many philosophies turn out very well indeed :)
One punishment my parents had for me was that sometimes I would be responsible to make my own dinner. Looking back I think that was more punitive than confining me to my room without food.
cneel almost 16 years ago
Thatās a mommy after my own heart. Discipline is important, but so is a balanced diet.
Northwoodser almost 16 years ago
Discipline is sometimes harder on the parents than the child.
mcveinot almost 16 years ago
You should never threaten something you canāt hold them to. IMO, never threaten to take away meals. Treats, yes, dessert, yes, but not the actual meal. Itās neglect to starve your child (and isnāt he like 5 or 6 in this? Thatās a long time to go without food)
GuntotingLiberal almost 16 years ago
A lot of kids this age will have days where they donāt want to eat much, even if it is something they like. So yea, missing one meal is unlikely to starve them. In fact, if theyāre like a lot of the little porkers I see running around these days at McDonaldsā¦ it might do em some good :P
alondra almost 16 years ago
I agree with mcveinot. Yes take away the dessert but not the meal. To AllanVS from yesterday, the disciplary action was because Michael showed his mother disrespect. He wasnāt complaining about the meal so the punishment didnāt fit the crime. Depriving a kid of food because he gave you the raspberry isnāt a proper punishment. Iād give him a spanking but I know the liberals here will label that child abuse. However a few smacks on the backside and being sent to his room to think about his bad behaviour should help considerably more than depriving him of his supper.
elikelp almost 16 years ago
I agree, do not ever threaten what you wonāt deliver, but one missed meal is not starving a child nor is it neglect. Do most families even have dessert every night? Whatās she gonna do, make a special dessert just so he canāt have any? Half the time following through with a half baked discipline idea teaches the parent to watch their mouth!
Bethanna almost 16 years ago
I disagree that withholding dinner didnāt fit the crime. Granted, I never withheld dinner from my kids, but being disrespectful always called up punishments to help which ever of my three was being disrespectful see that Mom was their provider, their caretaker, their protector and respect was a must. When my kids were disrespectful - if a tempertantrum was involved, early bed, time outs and witholding something I did for them was usually the mode WITH a discussion of what their actions were that presented the results: no taxi service, no laundry, meals were not withheld, but āhome cooked dinnersā were. They didnāt get to sit at the table with the rest of us to eat dinner, they went to bed with a sandwhich and an apple. My children and I are incredibly close - and they are respectful to me and their elders. But I respect them too. .. itās a two way street.
dcguys almost 16 years ago
Itās probably harder on you, but stick to your guns!
Not being a parent - just an uncle - Iām not in this situation often but I think Bethanna makes two important points. 1)TALK about the situation, donāt just punish & 2)respect IS a two-way journey. The guidance in youth goes a long way for all of us to respect each other & our diversitiesā¦and ourselelves.
Nighthawks Premium Member almost 16 years ago
just go in there an clout him oneā¦.then give him the food
bald almost 16 years ago
make him finish every thing on his plate then he has to do the dishes by himself
summerdog86 almost 16 years ago
Parents had better get a handle on their kids when they are young or you will have very willful teenagers ten years down the line. And those horrible teens may never end up as responsible adults. You have to do it for our future.
dakabn5 almost 16 years ago
Kids can survive without a meal now and then.
I would make it a last resortā¦as I would spanking. Some kids just need a look and some kids donāt respond to the harshest of discipline.
I pray I never get the latter.
I much prefer the one who gets so apologetic he cries just when I look disappointed.
Allan CB Premium Member almost 16 years ago
Macushlalondra - he was rude at the dinner table (see Thrusday) and thus, she took away his dinner ā¦ the punishment therefore fits the crimeā¦
A spanking in this case would not have been effective.
ValancyCarmody Premium Member almost 16 years ago
Ideally, no mother would ever lose her temper and punish in stress, frustration, and anger; this doesnāt teach the child anything except to hate and resent capricious & arbitrary punishment. But in real life you can recover from it if you calm down, then tell the child āI was angry and said something I shouldnāt have, and Iām sorry for that. You deserve to be punished, but not what I said, so I am changing the punishment toā whatever is appropriate. This teaches a far better lesson to both parent and child without abandoning discipline.
arceedee almost 16 years ago
Iām sticking to the natural consequences theory of child rearing that worked so well with my family, and is working so well with my grandkids. Instead of unnatural re-actions that have no connection to disagreeable or intolerable behaviors, I used to let my rudely behaving kids learn the reason why such behavior is not mutually acceptable at home or in the outside world, and how they actually benefit from following those rules. If they behaved like Michael, I might razz them back when they ask for a buck, or when they show me a note to sign for a school trip, or if they ask me to make them a sandwich - and do nothing. The behavior stops pretty quick when they THINK and UNDERSTAND the truth about the social codes they must eventually live with throughout their lives, instead of an artificial punishment as quick payment - sometimes a payment that is worth it to them to repeat the behavior. For instance many traffic officers report that little kids swatted on the butt for running in the street are MORE likely to be hit by cars than those forced to remain inside till they stop; the kids who will get smacked look toward the house for the parent who will hit when they enter the road, instead of looking in the street for the cars that may kill. But I also know that most kids giving loving discipline of many, many philosophies turn out very well indeed :)
USN1977 almost 12 years ago
One punishment my parents had for me was that sometimes I would be responsible to make my own dinner. Looking back I think that was more punitive than confining me to my room without food.