Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for January 29, 2005

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Presents: News of the Times Baby-Eating-Aliens Party to Reform Chest Cavities Fresh off its electoral victory, the BABY-EATING-ALIENS (B.E.A.) PARTY employed its political marketing genius to push forward its next bold initiative. TORSO CRISIS Alien Man: There's a coming CRISIS in Americans! Upper torsos. And we will REFORM the current program by inserting our ALIEN EGGS in every American's CHEST CAVITY! Some opponents unwisely focused on the B.E.A.'s past policies. MEET THE PRESS Man: You ATE all our BABIES! Alien Man: The moment of accountability for that has passed. A subtle, but important, turning point in the debate came when the B.E.A.s got the opposition parties to use THEIR nomenclature. BEA Alien: How can you say America's "failed egg-less chest policy" WORKS? Democrats Democrat: America's "failed egg-less chest policy" isn't THAT bad...! GOP Republican: Right! The B.E.A.s went on an all-out media blitz. The O'Reilly Factor Alien Man: Who is the GUV'MINT to say that its fancy LAWS should prevent forcible egg implantation? It's YOUR chest cavity! Alien Man #2: Some folks want to deal with the upper torso crisis LATER! I want to implant my unholy alien spawn in your body, where its larval form will eat its way out, NOW! But it was the focus-group-tested value of CHOICE that got the program enacted. IMPLANTATION Man #1: We get to choose to get implanted by ovipositor or by anal probe. Man #2: URK