Close to Home by John McPherson for June 16, 2011

We found the source of your gas problem.

I don’t get this one???

Is methane lighter than air?

Is she on a ballon diet?

Now she has no butt.

Is she anorexic and trying to fool them???

Jazzybella & Lingeewhiz, No, she (errantly) thought that she could reduce the scale’s weight reading by stuffing helium balloons up her dress.

Sigh. She slipped helium balloons under her dress to try to weigh less, i.e., to “float” some of her weight. @lutherg1 — while many gassy foods like broccoli, cucumbers and beans are part of a good weight loss diet, it’s just for the fibre, not because methane weighs less.

About as effective as jumping up in a falling elevator just before it hits the bottom.

Methane is somewhat lighter than air. I had a wierd friend who was a sports car nut. He would fill a dry cleaner bag with natural gas, attach 25 feet of aluminum foil, and chase it in his car. He was ready to launch one time when some MIBs stopped him. Seems the airport radar was getting varying intensities of radar bounces as the foil rotated.

Pro: The balloons ARE inflated.

“Physician, helium thyself.”