Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for January 27, 2012

Ninja Babe Had to show Dutch-san how to slow down Heart beat. Ensured Pleasurable Evening with Yankee Imperialist Gaijin reached Most Satisfactory Conclusion ;-) Have Fun Y’all!

BTW…pay close attention to Panel 1. Ninja Babe obviously taught Dutch a thing or 5 about Stealth too! (reinforcing my Belief that Michael Ironside would be perfect as the Voice of Dutch) Uber-HUGPOUNCESZZZ for the First Hooligan who gets the Reference (Dogmore: You Aint Eligible!).

FEI (For Everyone’s Information), Dutch used YOGA to slow down his heartbeat. Contrary to popular belief, ninjas never slowed down their pulses. That was something more akin to Indian sages. Ninjas controlled their breathing rates to minimize sound. There would be no point in slowing down their pulses because they were usually hung, drawn and quartered even if they were dead.

And I’m not making this up. The Japanese poet Matsuo Basho was in fact a great ninja himself, and his observations of the ninja culture are well recorded in his writings.

Do modern ninjas know yoga? Yes, I think they do.

@VeridianWas that a stealthy Splinter Cell reference? I think so.And don’t send my Über-HUGPOUNCESZZZ postage due this time, okay?

Heck, you guys, I first heard of the ol’ slowed-down heartbeat gag from the coolest spy next to James Bond, James Coburn in the title role of OUR MAN FLINT! Dutch is the coolest grandpa ever! :-) Have a happy weekend, all you Haywire Hooligans! Come over for some gluten-free lasagna sometime! :-)

HUGPOUNCESZZZ

Adam First….sorry chum, ya don’t know what you are talking about. I am a Ninja Warrior…and we use this method to trick Kung-Fu Warriors when we are out numbered. See Kung-Fu Warrioirs are to dumb to know our trick, and after they walk by us, we jump up behind them and kick some butt

@VeridianNried teutering; noo tervous no tot nerminate toncompulsory nreatment. Nreasured tads.

@Night-Gaunt49Sadly when you mentioned yogis doing it better, I immediately thought of a large bear in a hat and neck tie saying "You must align your Cha-ka-ras, Boo-boo.”