Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for January 20, 2025

Rod Serling, holding lit cigarette: "Imagine, if you will, a world where one adores a minuet, The Ballet Russe, and a crepe suzette— “But Emily loves to rock and roll, A hot dog makes her lose control—” (stares at cue cards) “What, that’s it? THAT’S the ‘big twist’?! They’re twins? A town with 20 people, and no one’s noticed before? They have color-coded outfits! Who wrote this?!” (M. Knight slowly sinks into his chair) “‘Loses control over a hot dog?!’ Did Emily just learn those are made of floor sweepings and pig butts?!” (storms off set) “Golly, what’s the next big twist? We find out Emily’s stupid essay about lord knows what, because we’ll never be told, is on the front page?!”