Drabble by Kevin Fagan for September 24, 2018

Ralph, what did you do to garner all this critter-cism?

Did you buy some of that no name animal feed again?

No doubt you deserve it.

When all of your pets start acting weird, it’s time to visit the exorcist for a check-up.

Some days you like the Born Loser.

I want a new duck, One that won’t try to bite, One that won’t chew a hole in my socks, One that won’t quack all night, I want a new duck, One with big webbed feet, One that knows how to wash my car, And keep his room real neat, One that won’t raid the ice box, One that’ll stay in shape, One that’s never gonna try to migrate or escape, Or I’ll tie him up with duck tape, I want a new duck, A mallard I think, One that won’t make a mess of my house, Or build a nest in the bathroom sink, I want a new duck, One that won’t steal my beer, One that won’t stick his bill in my mail, One that knows the duck stops here, One that won’t drive me crazy waddling all around, One who’ll teach me how to swim and help me not to drown, And show me how to get down, How to get down baby, Get it? I want a new duck, Not a swan or a goose, Just a drake I can dress real cute, Think I’m gonna name him Bruce, I want a new duck, Not a quail or an owl, One that won’t molt to much, One that won’t smell too fowl, One that won’t beg for breadcrumbs, Hangin’ around all day, He’d better mind his manners, Better do just what I say, Or he’s gonna be duck patte, duck patte, yah, ya, – I want a new duck – Weird Al

Where’s today’s strip?

Rim shot.

It’s easy to figure out when your reference to your pets are “you STUPID cat, you STUPID dog, you STUPID duck”. They’re not turning on Ralph, Ralph turned on them!