The Duplex by Glenn McCoy for February 12, 2010
February 11, 2010
February 13, 2010
Transcript:
Eno: Do you want to watch "Man vs. Wild"? Fang: No. Turn on the animal channel. Click Eno: What's this? Fang: "Dog vs. Vacuum Cleaner".
More From The Duplex
Wild defeats Man following multiple changes of lead, because Nature bats last.
Vacuum Cleaner wins by forfeit, because Dog hides in the bathtub and won’t come out for the 3rd Round.
In the consolation match-up, Dog bites low-seeded Man to nobody’s surprise, but then Man bites Dog, and this stunning turn-around makes headlines across the globe.
The finals pit Wild vs. Vacuum Cleaner. Although evenly matched on paper, Nature abhors Vacuum and squeaks out a tough, emotionally-fueled victory.
Medals awarded as follows: Gold: Wild Silver: Vacuum Cleaner Bronze: Man
Dog blames weather, draw, and officiating for poor showing. He Sits through Wild’s anthem at the presentation ceremony, and refuses to Shake Hands with other competitors. When asked to Speak, he tells the press that he’s firing his coach, and vows to “have his day” when the Games head to Sochi, Russia in 2014. He then runs off with his tail between his legs, and goes home to lick his wounds.
In the following weeks Dog renounces status as Man’s best fried, and refuses to accept calls of Wild.