Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 29, 2017

I would think the people at the convenience store would be more than happy to beat up Pig, especially if they get paid for it.

Old joke: Two peanuts were walking through Central Park. One was a salted.

I bet Seven-Elevens, AM-PMs, and other convenience stores get that a lot.

The real joke here is that someone at a convenience store would actually answer the phone.

It is lucky they were not seeking a group of crows.

It seems Pastis did not stay for his apre-pun beating

Do they have those things you hit whiffle balls with, and zither like stringed instruments? You know, a bat and psaltery.

I’m positive that assaulting a battery is a negative…

Neither did I.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone ask for “a salt.” It would be “a box of salt” or “a package of salt” or (for those who live in Margaritaville) “a lost shaker of salt.” Or am I being too rational here?

While waiting to check out at a old hardware store, I noticed they had apple pickers. I asked the clerk if they had fig pluckers.

An old sailor with a broken rifle: A salt with a dead weapon.

The most cliched costume at law school Halloween parties were a salt shaker and a battery.

“A pun a day keeps the doctor in pay”

is it just me or does anyone else think that stephan should do a child appropriate strip called PBS kids

get it

Lesson of the story, Pig: let Rat make his own calls. Then, you can safely go to a convenience store and pay exorbitant prices for every-day goods, because it’s “convenient.”

I have to admit, it takes skill to get a laugh out of an old line like that!

Is there Morton Pepper?