Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for August 29, 2016

Transcript:

restaurant closings the following establishments have been closed for health code violations. moe's fresh fruit stand - produce badly damaged in collision during zany high-speed car chase starring jackie chan. o'bleary's irish pub - featured band keeps playing that damn unicorn song. futurismo cyber cafe - soylent green found to contain tofu, not people. p.j. piehole's family place - meat and vegetable courses offered on children's menu allowed to touch each other. child: aagh filibuster inn of capitol hill - new "dubya" special (pb&j on wonder bread) sickens over 20 diners with peanut allergies. starbucks inside another starbucks - broke law of physics stating that two objects cannot occupy the same space simultaneously.