Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for August 14, 2017
August 11, 2017
August 15, 2017
Transcript:
"santa will be available at secure locations for gift consultation with those children who clear our stringent screening process." elf 1: we'll need a urine sample & a statement verifying your niceness signed by a parent or guardian. elf 2: please step between the magic candy canes. santa land santa's workshop santa: ho ho ho. defrost concluded by expressing confidence that "santa is on track to make this the merriest christmas in recent memory." media: i have a question for santa. it's really hard-hitting. elf: santa is feeding his reindeer and is unavailable for comment thank you for your time. many bystanders were reportedly over-come by feelings of joy & longing. kid 1: i want that thing i saw on tv! kid 2: just bring me a movie tie-in. kid 3: and nothing educational. you hear me? do not cross do others weren't so sure. guy: those damn elves towed my car!
The Christmas Gift Racket isn’t all fun and games, and it’s not all kids’ business, either.
Just step away from that chimney, Santa, and put your hands on the back of your head, fingers locked together….