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Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for December 10, 2021
Transcript:
your spring weeding guide woman: die die non-euclidean creeper. hard to remove. ignores the geometry of the space-time continuum common to most yards. man: die die false tea rose. looks & smells exactly like the lovely tea rose. but it's a weed! soon your yard will be covered in it! root it out! tear it up! kill it! granny: die die plant: sproing bamzu. combines the robust unstoppability of kudzu with the hearty imoortality of bamboo. it also attracts zebra mussels. sell your house and get a condo. dude: whoopsie. dilatory bulbvine. also known as your leftover christmas lights. take them down already, it's easter for crying out loud.
I see the makings of a very varied and interesting weed garden here. —Except for the Christmas bulbs. Take them down already!