Ted Rall for April 19, 2008

Transcript:

Eight million stories in the naked city - and eight billion DNA samples. I'm a "surreptitious sampler" - a DNA cop. I follow suspects around until they leave behind some bodily fluids. Then I match 'em up to my unsolved case file. Put down the glass, dammit. No! Don't wash the glass, barkeep! May 24, 4 AM. I'm hot on the trail of a guy who evades taxes like they're going out of style. '02. '03. In '05, he didn't even bother to file. He was sittin' here, but he's a cool cookie - no sweat for me to collect. Swipe. My assignment: check if he's the same character who skipped out on some parking tickets in'01. All I need is one swab's worth of DNA. My lucky break! Peep show. Desperate men make their own luck. I con a friendly judge into signing a warrant for his dentist's joint. You cleaned his teeth. Where's the blood? That's from gingivitis. Dude is a master flosser! A DNA cop always gets his man - even if he has to kiss him himself. Hi cutie. The end.