The Comic Strip That Has A Finale Every Day by John "Scully" Scully for January 25, 2022

COSPLAY

  According to the microwave things aren’t going well even though he’s usually cooking something up. The griddle is beginning to waffle and the panini maker thinks it’s a matter of time before we’re all toast. I can’t trust the washing machine since she puts a different spin on things. The refrigerator is acting cold and distant but the iron is straightening things out: the situation isn’t that pressing. I considered talking to the wall, but it was plastered and my roof came down with a case of shingles.

The vacuum cleaner was unsympathetic and told me to suck it up, but the fan was encouraging telling me that this will eventually blow over. The toilet looked flushed and the doorknob told me to get a grip. The front door became unhinged and the curtains told me to pull myself together.

The burnt-out lightbulb wasn’t illuminating and my dull knife just wouldn’t cut it. My wide-screen TV didn’t have the big picture and I couldn’t count on my broken calculator. Even though the clock had time on its hands, it had second thoughts especially about the minute details; hour conversation was limited.

My record player just went around in circles and I could not get a rise out of the yeast in the kitchen. The tortilla was flat but the coffee maker did perk me up.

The lawn mower was too high on grass to be of any use and the rototiller couldn’t turn anything up. However, the hammer was able to nail things down, that was plane to see. I had a conversation with my drill, but it was boring.

I guess I’ll have to screw up the courage to consult the wine bottle.