The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for August 04, 2009
August 03, 2009
August 05, 2009
Transcript:
Police Officer 1: Sally, there's significant speculation that some of the seashells sold from your seaside seastore are supposedly stolen. Police Officer 2: Sarge... Seems our suspicions were sound.
Claims of Connie Clancy cleverly copping conches caused quite a commotion. Conch cults came to the coast and collectively clamored, causing chaotic craziness and considerable consternation in the commonwealth. . Conveniently, Connie’s cohort in crime, Carl Corker, clandestinely carried off countless crates of clams, conches, crawfish, and crayfish out of the country to Canada, conning the cretinous cops.
Concerned crowds of crustacean champions came quietly, and caught Carl Corker collecting his crustraceaous cache. The congregates collared him, called the cops, and then kicked the crappie out of Carl. Carl was committed to corrections and confined in a cage, coincidentally, closely comparable to the crate the conches were kept in.
Connie, conversely, was cleared in the conch case. Connie convinced the court she was crazy. Calling her a “kooky conch kleptomanic”, uncapable of controlling her compulsions, Counsellor Corky Cocker, gave Connie clemency.
Thus, concludes the capricious chronicles of Connie Clancy and Carl Corker and their un’conch’scionable conduct.