Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for December 31, 2010

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Presents: News of the Times Twelve-Year-Old Discovers New Gender Louis Maltby, a 7th grader based at Hillside Jr. High School, with no background in any of the biological disciplines, made an astonishing discovery last week: a human gender heretofore UNKNOWN TO SCIENCE! Maltby believes that this second gender, now known as the "female" gender, or "girls", differs from males in many fundamental ways. As sudden as this unexpected discovery is, Maltby acknowledges that subtle clues to the existence of this gender, such as the fact of his mother, has been present for quite some time. Mother: Didn't I tell you to clean your room?! Further evidence: a phenomenon Maltby observed as a youth whereby a dodgeball would occasionally change direction mid-flight as though it has hit some invisible object. BONK Girl: HEY! The shocking revelation was first made by Maltby during 5th period American History, while teacher Mr. Hoorsey, whom Maltby terms a "boring doofus", was delivering a lecture that was of particular non-interest to the twelve-year-old. Although excited about the find, Maltby is not optimistic about its implications, as a "girl" in Maltby's presence is usually indicated by mild nausea, nervous self-consciousness, and strange stirrings. Nevertheless, Maltby plans to attempt some sort of contact with the gender, albeit through the safety of an intermediary. Louis: So...you're friends with Derek Nelson, right? Do you ever, uh, talk to his sister Shari? Boy: No-- why? Louis: No reason...never mind.