Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for April 12, 2024

From Not Always Right: That Comeback Is Music To My Ears

I work at a big box toy store, and I have just finished a long all-night shift bringing in extra stock for the holidays. I am tired, I am pregnant, and I am ready to head home and sleep.

Customer: “You! You’re walking too fast! You don’t make it easy for customers to get assistance!”

Me: “Oh, well, I am actually off the clock, but if you—”

Customer: “You’re an employee in the store, and I am a customer. Whatever else you’ve got going on can wait!”

Me: “I really can’t help you, but if you—”

Customer: “I need a [toy] for my son for his birthday! Do I need to talk to your managers about how you ruined my son’s birthday because you refused to help me?!”

I lead her to the instruments aisle.

Customer: “This is music! I wanted a [toy]!”

I pick up one of the ukuleles.

Me: “I don’t have a tiny violim, so this will have to do.”

My managers weren’t too happy with me for that one, but I was about to start maternity leave, so they chalked it up to “hormones”.

NOT my story

Same here.

With such a sharp tongue as she has, how does Aunty keep from cutting the inside of her mouth?

It’s the dealer’s choice.

So Dad tells me. He started early, having been in Vietnam when in the Air Force.

IOW, she wasn’t always this sarcastic butt @ssholes helped her to become so.

Sarcasm works on the logical principle of reductio ad absurdum (Latin for “reduction to absurdity”). Take a person or group’s point of view and extend the logic out to its extreme to so how absurd it is.

I practiced and practiced and practiced. . .I now have a black belt in verbal karate. . .comes in very useful every once in a while. . .

Same here, Aunty!

The people around you are pretty sarcastic too, thanks to you.

Practical applications.

Practice makes perfect!!!!!