Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for August 01, 2024

Chocolate Cures All

(I’ve recently been transferred to a different store and not taken the move very well despite it being the better position. I’m sitting outside on my break, smoking and crying whilst texting my old colleagues, when a guy and a girl approach me.)

Girl: “Hey, so, we saw that you were looking really upset and it was really sad so we wanted to give you these!”

(She holds out a sealed bag of M&M’s.)

Me: “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to take these from you.”

Girl: “If I was upset I’d want chocolate, too. It was so sad seeing you here by yourself. They’re sealed, I promise. Please take them and try to cheer up!”

(I thanked them profusely and am still grateful to this day for their act of kindness. The day went a lot smoother and I even shared the chocolate with my new colleagues!)

lemme guess: but they keep coming nonetheless…

I have a JPG of Grumpy Cat saying, “Like a good neighbor, stay over there.”

Hear hear!

Does that mean no one is welcome?

My mat says:

WELCOME

Just don’t expect much.

I’m sure there are mats out there that better express your “feelings”, Aunty.

My favorite mat: Welcomish. Depends on who you are and how long you stay

Really not that honest either!!!!!!

A female friend of our family has a welcome mat that says “Nice panties”.

There ya go again. Lying thru ya yellow teeth Aunty. Ya false teeth they be. Haters don’t use welcome mats – .357 Mags instead.

Ours says “Hi, I’m Mat!”

Oh Aunty, you just lied about not being a liar.

You don’t have to worry about unwelcome guests, your personality pretty does the trick.

I don’t have one either for the same reason!!!

Mine, courtesy of a very dear friend is: H*LL IS OTHER PEOPLE". My housemate is not a fan.

Good one……

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your porch? Mat

I don’t have a Welcome Mat because some of my relatives can READ!