Customer: Speaks a collection of syllables that make no sense to me at all.
Me: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”
Customer: Seemingly the same collection of syllables, this time less patient.
So technically he did repeat it, but I still have no idea what he’s saying!
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand—”
Customer: Breaks into yet more incoherent syllables, this time with rising anger, when he stops, pauses, has an internal moment. “I was speaking Tagalog, wasn’t I?”
Me: “I don’t know what you were speaking but it wasn’t English!”
Customer: “Sorry! I was having an argument with my inner monologue, and I forgot to transition out loud. I thought I was going crazy!”
I catch myself yawning at the store I work at during the last minutes of working a double shift (I need the money, guys!). A customer buying cigarettes seems offended by this.
Customer: “Boring you, are we?”
Me: “No, sorry! Just been a long day.”
Customer: “You kids don’t know the meaning of a long day! I used to work twelve-hour shifts back in my day!”
Me: “Well, I’m doing a double, so we do have long days, too.”
Customer: “What time did you start today?!”
Me: “Six this morning.”
Customer: “See, and it’s only ten! That’s four hours, you sensitive snowflake!”
Me: “6 AM to 10 PM is sixteen hours.”
Customer: “Ten minus six is four! If you can’t do math that simple maybe you belong working here.”
Me: “I… sure.”
I choose not to argue.
Me: “So for the two packs of [cigarettes] that will be $18.”
Customer: “What?! Why so much?”
Me: “They’re $9 each, which times two makes it $18, but it’s okay if you can’t do simple math, that’s what I’m here for!”
The customer scowled at me as she paid, and with that final customer, I signed off and went home to a well-earned sleep!
I was a children’s ski coach. For the group lessons, each child would be assigned a team, indicated by a colored vest, for their age and ability.
While I was teaching a group of reds (three- and four-year-old beginners), a woman approached me.
Woman: “My kids are in a lesson. Where are they so I can watch them?”
Me: “What color are they?”
Woman: “Excuse me?!”
It turned out that her kids were in a private lesson and were not part of our colorful classification. (This also meant that it was hard to guess where they would be!) I tried to be more careful about using coach shorthand with the public after that.
They Walk Among Us… And Worse, They Probably Vote, Part 4
I try not to mix up politics with customers, but it is in the middle of a local election and it’s all the regular customers in our local sleepy town can talk about.
Customer: “So… who you votin’ for?”
Me: “Well, I’m happy to let you know that I will vote. I don’t need to tell you who, though.”
Customer: “Oh, it’s alright. I won’t tell anyone.”
This customer has been a regular for a while, and I have deemed her a nice old lady. I go against my gut and make conversation:
Me: “Well I’m going to vote for [Candidate] since [Other Candidate] seems to hate public transportation and since I can’t drive for medical reasons I kinda need that.”
Customer: “Hmph… I don’t vote for anything that’s got “trans” in its name.”
I did well in PT today. She comes twice a week to work me hard. Today, I went to the bedroom door, then wheeled myself to the bathroom and back. I saw the new bidet hubby installed. Nice!
I am working checkout, and a customer has joined my line, followed by the next customer a minute later. After a couple of minutes, the first customer shouts out to me:
Customer: “Are you blind?! Call some help over! We’ve been waiting too long!”
Before I can even acknowledge what they said to me the next customer jumps in:
Next Customer: “My brother in Christ, you have been waiting in the line for two minutes; you can wait two more.”
Customer: “Don’t you “brother” me! They should open more lanes when customers are waiting.”
Next Customer: “Are you the blind one?! Every lane is open!” Pointing to me. “Should she start building a new one right now? That will certainly speed things up.”
Customer: “Then she needs to work faster!”
Next Customer: “Yes, because you shouting at her and distracting her will certainly do that.”
Customer: “Mind your own business!”
Next Customer: “You’re in line ahead of me. You delaying the line is my business. There are six people in line and you’re the only one being an a**hole about it. Shut up and let that sink in.”
The customer grumbled and stewed for a little while but didn’t argue back. When it was the next customer’s turn to checkout:
Me: “Thanks for that.”
Next Customer: “You kidding? That was satisfying as h***! I work the checkouts over at [Big Box Store] and I can only dream of saying things like to my customers!”
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
The Language Of The Mind
A customer walks up to the counter.
Customer: Speaks a collection of syllables that make no sense to me at all.
Me: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”
Customer: Seemingly the same collection of syllables, this time less patient.
So technically he did repeat it, but I still have no idea what he’s saying!
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand—”
Customer: Breaks into yet more incoherent syllables, this time with rising anger, when he stops, pauses, has an internal moment. “I was speaking Tagalog, wasn’t I?”
Me: “I don’t know what you were speaking but it wasn’t English!”
Customer: “Sorry! I was having an argument with my inner monologue, and I forgot to transition out loud. I thought I was going crazy!”
Me: “You thought you were going crazy?!”
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
Well, That Was Fruitful
My mobile phone rings with an unknown number.
Scammer: “Hello, this is Lindsey from [Mobile Phone Company I haven’t been with for ten years].”
Me: “No, it isn’t.”
Scammer: “Yes, it is.”
Me: “No, it isn’t.”
Scammer: “Yes, it is.”
Me: “No, it isn’t.”
Scammer: “Yes, it is.”
Me: “No, it isn’t.”
Scammer: “Yes, it is.”
Me: “No, it isn’t.”
Scammer: “You are a f****** idiot.” Hangs up
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
This Generational Blaming Isn’t Mathing
I catch myself yawning at the store I work at during the last minutes of working a double shift (I need the money, guys!). A customer buying cigarettes seems offended by this.
Customer: “Boring you, are we?”
Me: “No, sorry! Just been a long day.”
Customer: “You kids don’t know the meaning of a long day! I used to work twelve-hour shifts back in my day!”
Me: “Well, I’m doing a double, so we do have long days, too.”
Customer: “What time did you start today?!”
Me: “Six this morning.”
Customer: “See, and it’s only ten! That’s four hours, you sensitive snowflake!”
Me: “6 AM to 10 PM is sixteen hours.”
Customer: “Ten minus six is four! If you can’t do math that simple maybe you belong working here.”
Me: “I… sure.”
I choose not to argue.
Me: “So for the two packs of [cigarettes] that will be $18.”
Customer: “What?! Why so much?”
Me: “They’re $9 each, which times two makes it $18, but it’s okay if you can’t do simple math, that’s what I’m here for!”
The customer scowled at me as she paid, and with that final customer, I signed off and went home to a well-earned sleep!
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
Well, That’s A Kid Of A Different Color
I was a children’s ski coach. For the group lessons, each child would be assigned a team, indicated by a colored vest, for their age and ability.
While I was teaching a group of reds (three- and four-year-old beginners), a woman approached me.
Woman: “My kids are in a lesson. Where are they so I can watch them?”
Me: “What color are they?”
Woman: “Excuse me?!”
It turned out that her kids were in a private lesson and were not part of our colorful classification. (This also meant that it was hard to guess where they would be!) I tried to be more careful about using coach shorthand with the public after that.
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
They Walk Among Us… And Worse, They Probably Vote, Part 4
I try not to mix up politics with customers, but it is in the middle of a local election and it’s all the regular customers in our local sleepy town can talk about.
Customer: “So… who you votin’ for?”
Me: “Well, I’m happy to let you know that I will vote. I don’t need to tell you who, though.”
Customer: “Oh, it’s alright. I won’t tell anyone.”
This customer has been a regular for a while, and I have deemed her a nice old lady. I go against my gut and make conversation:
Me: “Well I’m going to vote for [Candidate] since [Other Candidate] seems to hate public transportation and since I can’t drive for medical reasons I kinda need that.”
Customer: “Hmph… I don’t vote for anything that’s got “trans” in its name.”
Last time I go against my gut!
FreyjaRN Premium Member about 8 hours ago
I wish I could jog.
I did well in PT today. She comes twice a week to work me hard. Today, I went to the bedroom door, then wheeled myself to the bathroom and back. I saw the new bidet hubby installed. Nice!
Yakety Sax about 8 hours ago
You Work Checkout? Checks Out…
I am working checkout, and a customer has joined my line, followed by the next customer a minute later. After a couple of minutes, the first customer shouts out to me:
Customer: “Are you blind?! Call some help over! We’ve been waiting too long!”
Before I can even acknowledge what they said to me the next customer jumps in:
Next Customer: “My brother in Christ, you have been waiting in the line for two minutes; you can wait two more.”
Customer: “Don’t you “brother” me! They should open more lanes when customers are waiting.”
Next Customer: “Are you the blind one?! Every lane is open!” Pointing to me. “Should she start building a new one right now? That will certainly speed things up.”
Customer: “Then she needs to work faster!”
Next Customer: “Yes, because you shouting at her and distracting her will certainly do that.”
Customer: “Mind your own business!”
Next Customer: “You’re in line ahead of me. You delaying the line is my business. There are six people in line and you’re the only one being an a**hole about it. Shut up and let that sink in.”
The customer grumbled and stewed for a little while but didn’t argue back. When it was the next customer’s turn to checkout:
Me: “Thanks for that.”
Next Customer: “You kidding? That was satisfying as h***! I work the checkouts over at [Big Box Store] and I can only dream of saying things like to my customers!”
That explains it. They GET it.
rob.home about 8 hours ago
My butt cheeks clap most mornings, presumably to wake me up, if my bladder hasn’t already done so.
sbenton7684 about 8 hours ago
Clapping cheeks is something I hope I’ll never experience…
ddl297 about 3 hours ago
I sometimes bemoan my flappity upper arms, then I remember, “They used to be full of FAT!” And I grab the 5-pound weights to Work That Flesh!
Barnabus Blackoak about 2 hours ago
“…and thought people we are cheering me on.” ???
[Traveler] Premium Member about 2 hours ago
I don’t have enough a$$ for my cheeks to clap. Typical white male.
ChessPirate about 1 hour ago
Embarrassing when your grammatical errors are out there for all to see, isn’t it, Ged? ☺
Daltongang Premium Member 41 minutes ago
Aunty, that’s not you butt cheeks clapping, that’s your arm flaps slapping against your sides.
rockyridge1977 40 minutes ago
Slow down…….you move too fast!!!