Dear Orb, I come seeking signs of encouragement. I am so tired, and feel so very alone.
As some of you may recall, my husband battles bipolar with severe psychosis. He refuses treatment, refuses medication, and I do not know how to help or what to do. He cannot hold down a job. He only helps at home when I am there to work along side him. On his own, he is much like an indolent teenager, which I know is a result of his mental illness and is an unfair portrait. But I no longer have a partner. I have a teenage child. And I am so very tired.
I find myself responsible for all our bills, and because our house in Texas still has not sold, I am responsible for insurance and bills on that house as well as on the new one. I tell myself that when the house in Texas sells that it will be bring some relief – and it will – but that relief will be temporary at best. I do not know how to handle everything on my own. I am just so tired.
Tired of having to be a parent to my husband. Tired of having to put on a smile and cheerful face for my mom, for my coworkers when I feel as though I am drowning. I am tired of being the responsible one. Tired of working all the time. Tired of waking from sleep just as exhausted as when I laid down. Tired of people expecting me to handle it all with my normal aplomb because that is what I’ve done all of my life.
Least you fear, I am not suicidal. I have the means were that my intent, but I am not that selfish, and I could not abandon those I love. I just feel like a shell of a person, going through the motions. I feel helpless, alone, and so tired.
I guess I just need to know that I’m not alone. That I provide some value, however small, to this world. That I am strong enough to find a way through. That is it OK to be tired, and it is OK to rest when needed. That I do not need to be perfect, and that even flawed and broken, I have value. That I am worth loving. These are the things I forget, you see. Thank you for your kindness.
Dear Orb, I come seeking signs of encouragement. I am so tired, and feel so very alone.
As some of you may recall, my husband battles bipolar with severe psychosis. He refuses treatment, refuses medication, and I do not know how to help or what to do. He cannot hold down a job. He only helps at home when I am there to work along side him. On his own, he is much like an indolent teenager, which I know is a result of his mental illness and is an unfair portrait. But I no longer have a partner. I have a teenage child. And I am so very tired.
I find myself responsible for all our bills, and because our house in Texas still has not sold, I am responsible for insurance and bills on that house as well as on the new one. I tell myself that when the house in Texas sells that it will be bring some relief – and it will – but that relief will be temporary at best. I do not know how to handle everything on my own. I am just so tired.
Tired of having to be a parent to my husband. Tired of having to put on a smile and cheerful face for my mom, for my coworkers when I feel as though I am drowning. I am tired of being the responsible one. Tired of working all the time. Tired of waking from sleep just as exhausted as when I laid down. Tired of people expecting me to handle it all with my normal aplomb because that is what I’ve done all of my life.
Least you fear, I am not suicidal. I have the means were that my intent, but I am not that selfish, and I could not abandon those I love. I just feel like a shell of a person, going through the motions. I feel helpless, alone, and so tired.
I guess I just need to know that I’m not alone. That I provide some value, however small, to this world. That I am strong enough to find a way through. That is it OK to be tired, and it is OK to rest when needed. That I do not need to be perfect, and that even flawed and broken, I have value. That I am worth loving. These are the things I forget, you see. Thank you for your kindness.