A guy walks into a doctor’s office with a duck on his head.
The doctor looks up and says “Yes? Can I help you?”
The duck says “Yeah, can you get this guy off my butt?”
I like ministers, priests and rabbis walking in to a bar jokes. I respect the ladies of GoComics too much to repeat most of them. I always hope to hear a new one.
From now an its a Republican, a Democrat, and a member of the Tea Party walk into a bar. The Republican says, “Hey, this whiskey’s imported.” The Democrat says “Hey, these beer nuts were harvested by non-union labor.”The Tea Party member says “This beer taxes my constitution” The Republican and the Democrat ask what he means. “I don’t know but I’m going to be on the 6 o’clock news.
Context, Joe, context. Seldom indeed do I hear “minister” applied as a descriptor of a priest or a rabbi - only the specific terms. But “minister” these days normally means a Protestant minister, as it certainly does in this genre of joke.
Seamus and Mickey are sitting by the window in a Dublin pub across the street from a brothel. From their seats the can see people enter and exit the house of ill repute, while they drink.
First they see a Protestant minister enter the brothel. “Mickey, did you see that? Sure and it’s a shame and a disgrace. The Prods are all bloody hypocrites, I’ve known it all along.” “Right you are, Seamus.”
After a while, they see a Rabbi enter the brothel. “Oh, what’s the world coming to? The Jews are a pack of perverts, the lot of them. Begorrah, Mick, they should all be run out of Dublin.” “I’ll drink to that, Seamus.”
FInally, they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel. Seamus stands and takes his hat off, and says, “Oh, Mickey, what a pity. One of the poor girls must have died!”
Three Believers walk into a bar. The first one says “I believe I’ll have a drink.” The second says “I believe I’ll join you.” The third says “I believe I left my wallet at home. Can one of you lend me $20?”
What’s the punchline? The first is a Muslim Believer, and the second is a Mormon Believer. The third is very young looking, and without his I.D. the bartender won’t serve him alcohol. They all end up with lemonade! So what were they doing in a bar?!?
@lewreader, Trinity jokes (my name - it seems to me intuitively correct) don’t have to have anything to do with “ladies”. None of the ones people have quoted here do.
Jokes that offend “ladies”, as far as I am concerned, come under the same heading as racist jokes - told by people who are too lazy to think at all.
Personally, my favourite versions are about the mathematician, the scientist, and the engineer. Who comes out the best depends on which one the teller is, and which one(s) the listener(s) are. And you have to know what you’re talking about - otherwise it has no meaning.
Let’s see now…no, not that one, it’s too complicated… and that one takes too long… and that one I think I actually told before…
An m, an s, and an e are all abandoned together on the same desert island, with coconut palm trees that are hard to climb. How to get the coconuts and have something to eat?
The e throws rocks randomly until a coconut falls down. (You can see what s’s and m’s think of e’s.)
The s spends a few minutes drawing diagrams to measure the height and angle of one particular tree, aims carefully, and gets a coconut.
The m has been watching all this activity with no comment. Now he (she?) says, “Problem has been reduced to a similar case.” and goes back to sleep.
No? In math, when you are working on a problem, if you can show that it can be made exactly similar to another problem that has already been solved, then you don’t have to do anything further - unless you want to repeat all the steps taken to solve the first problem.
Well, this is the second one I tried. I now know these jokes are not so easy to tell, at that….
Joe, I think that those nowadays who refer to THEMSELVES as Christians are the ones in a better position to say whether the term is erroneous. They wouldn’t be the only group to take a name which was originally intended as an insult and adopt it as a term of pride. Certainly, I know of some people who would gladly punch the nose of anyone who suggested that they WEREN’T Christians.
To say, as you have in the past, that they ought to be referred to as “Believers” (without the “in Jesus”, which you often omit) is tremendously uninformative and not likely to foster communication. It’s like languages in which the word for their own speakers is “the human beings” or “the people”; it’s kind of pointless once you translate it from the original tongue.
margueritem over 14 years ago
It’s worth a try…
UncaAlby over 14 years ago
Hey, it made me feel better!
Llewellenbruce over 14 years ago
Not a good time for a joke Nerwin.
MontanaLady over 14 years ago
Three men walk into a bar…. the fourth one ducks…..
hee hee!
think about it
Sisyphos over 14 years ago
Go for it, Irwin! And, unless Broomie zaps you, congratulations will be due you for your laughing-therapy!
Yukoner over 14 years ago
Montana, I thought about it. It wasn’t worth it.
GROG Premium Member over 14 years ago
Well, almost everything.
NE1956 over 14 years ago
A guy walks into a doctor’s office with a duck on his head. The doctor looks up and says “Yes? Can I help you?” The duck says “Yeah, can you get this guy off my butt?”
Whonked? Whonked??
lewisbower over 14 years ago
I like ministers, priests and rabbis walking in to a bar jokes. I respect the ladies of GoComics too much to repeat most of them. I always hope to hear a new one.
From now an its a Republican, a Democrat, and a member of the Tea Party walk into a bar. The Republican says, “Hey, this whiskey’s imported.” The Democrat says “Hey, these beer nuts were harvested by non-union labor.”The Tea Party member says “This beer taxes my constitution” The Republican and the Democrat ask what he means. “I don’t know but I’m going to be on the 6 o’clock news.
Poor. Poor, You try. ,
Rakkav over 14 years ago
Context, Joe, context. Seldom indeed do I hear “minister” applied as a descriptor of a priest or a rabbi - only the specific terms. But “minister” these days normally means a Protestant minister, as it certainly does in this genre of joke.
MisngNOLA over 14 years ago
A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says “Is this some kind of a joke?”
pschearer Premium Member over 14 years ago
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender punches each one in the nose.
And that is what they call a punchline.
NE1956 over 14 years ago
Making friends again, huh Joe?
No where do I mention ‘real’ duck.
pschearer Premium Member over 14 years ago
Joe, how about you pray for a sense of humor?
Sherlock Watson over 14 years ago
I like this one Jay Leno told for St. Patrick’s Day: “Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. It could happen!”
fritzoid Premium Member over 14 years ago
Seamus and Mickey are sitting by the window in a Dublin pub across the street from a brothel. From their seats the can see people enter and exit the house of ill repute, while they drink.
First they see a Protestant minister enter the brothel. “Mickey, did you see that? Sure and it’s a shame and a disgrace. The Prods are all bloody hypocrites, I’ve known it all along.” “Right you are, Seamus.”
After a while, they see a Rabbi enter the brothel. “Oh, what’s the world coming to? The Jews are a pack of perverts, the lot of them. Begorrah, Mick, they should all be run out of Dublin.” “I’ll drink to that, Seamus.”
FInally, they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel. Seamus stands and takes his hat off, and says, “Oh, Mickey, what a pity. One of the poor girls must have died!”
fritzoid Premium Member over 14 years ago
Three Believers walk into a bar. The first one says “I believe I’ll have a drink.” The second says “I believe I’ll join you.” The third says “I believe I left my wallet at home. Can one of you lend me $20?”
What’s the punchline? The first is a Muslim Believer, and the second is a Mormon Believer. The third is very young looking, and without his I.D. the bartender won’t serve him alcohol. They all end up with lemonade! So what were they doing in a bar?!?
HAW!
RinaFarina over 14 years ago
@misngNOLA, I like your version. Also @pschearer’s punchline.
RinaFarina over 14 years ago
@lewreader, Trinity jokes (my name - it seems to me intuitively correct) don’t have to have anything to do with “ladies”. None of the ones people have quoted here do.
Jokes that offend “ladies”, as far as I am concerned, come under the same heading as racist jokes - told by people who are too lazy to think at all.
Personally, my favourite versions are about the mathematician, the scientist, and the engineer. Who comes out the best depends on which one the teller is, and which one(s) the listener(s) are. And you have to know what you’re talking about - otherwise it has no meaning.
Let’s see now…no, not that one, it’s too complicated… and that one takes too long… and that one I think I actually told before…
An m, an s, and an e are all abandoned together on the same desert island, with coconut palm trees that are hard to climb. How to get the coconuts and have something to eat?
The e throws rocks randomly until a coconut falls down. (You can see what s’s and m’s think of e’s.)
The s spends a few minutes drawing diagrams to measure the height and angle of one particular tree, aims carefully, and gets a coconut.
The m has been watching all this activity with no comment. Now he (she?) says, “Problem has been reduced to a similar case.” and goes back to sleep.
No? In math, when you are working on a problem, if you can show that it can be made exactly similar to another problem that has already been solved, then you don’t have to do anything further - unless you want to repeat all the steps taken to solve the first problem.
Well, this is the second one I tried. I now know these jokes are not so easy to tell, at that….
RinaFarina over 14 years ago
@fritzoid, I love lemonade. And it doesn’t give me a headache afterwards. I usually drink alcohol-type drinks by the tablespoonful.
fritzoid Premium Member over 14 years ago
Joe, I think that those nowadays who refer to THEMSELVES as Christians are the ones in a better position to say whether the term is erroneous. They wouldn’t be the only group to take a name which was originally intended as an insult and adopt it as a term of pride. Certainly, I know of some people who would gladly punch the nose of anyone who suggested that they WEREN’T Christians.
To say, as you have in the past, that they ought to be referred to as “Believers” (without the “in Jesus”, which you often omit) is tremendously uninformative and not likely to foster communication. It’s like languages in which the word for their own speakers is “the human beings” or “the people”; it’s kind of pointless once you translate it from the original tongue.