Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 26, 2016

Rat has met his soul mate.

The song “Dentist” from Little Shop of Horrors is running through my head now.

And then he’ll start picking at your gums until they bleed and tell you it’s your fault because you either don’t brush or you don’t brush right.

I had a dentist do that to me once. I was indeed brushing and was brushing the way a dentist had taught me before that one. All I could think was how it was impossible for my gums not to bleed when she kept digging away at them with her pick, pushing the blasted thing deeper each time. I had never had another dentist deliberately try to make my gums bleed and then blame me for it. Needless to say I never went back to that particular dentist.

(Nab will appreciate this) On one visit to my regular dentist, he asked me what I was going to do for the summer, I told him I was going on a mission trip. He said: “That’s nice,” got my mouth all loaded up then proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with religion. When he finished up, he took the stuff out and said: “All done.” I said: “Now it’s MY turn,” and answered all his objections.

Wilbur Force: But don’t use Novocaine. It dulls the senses. .— The original Little Shop of Horrors (and probably Rat too…)

I find there’s nothing that beats garlic for ensuring quick and efficient treatment.

Shape up and do it right or you will be sent to see a specialist.And those guys don’t use nitrous.

I gotta go to the dentist today, he’s gonna give me three fillings… the strip made me way more relaxed about that!

See ‘Pickles’.

As a dentist friend once told me, “Always speak respectfully to someone standing over you with a pointed object.”

Nailed it!

Even so, Rat. That is pretty much the way my visits to my dentist always go.(Actually, he’s pretty nice with his chair-side manner, however.)

Say what you will about Bill Cosby, but he did get it right about dentists.“Every time you go there, he tells you not to pick at your teeth with any sharp metal objects. And every time you go there, the first thing he sticks in your mouth is an iron hook.”

I’m glad Rat appreciates it. That guy spend three months in truck driving school to become a dentist.

The dentist didn’t recognize Rat was a new patient? Had to ask if he’d been there before? Someone was on the laughing gas…

My dentist’s office is all female. Sometimes all three are talking to me, all with masks on of course, and I don’t know which is which.

That’s why I beat him to the punch by telling HIM I’m inadequate and lazy.

as my dad has pointed out many times, the dentist is always a clown or a villain or both;never the hero. even lawyers get portrayed as heroes sometimes, not dentists. it is a truly unappreciated job

My dentist is awesome but I still dread dentist visits. Last time I had to have x-rays done on my teeth because the dentist thought he spotted a cavity. Luckily my teeth were fine.xxx

I haven’t seen (or used) one of those bowls to spit in for at least 20 years – I don’t know what they’re actually called. Are they even used anymore? What bothered me about them was (growing up in a dry California climate) they seemed to be a serious waste of water. I’m not saying I particularly like the “suction” method any better, however.