Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for February 09, 2016
February 08, 2016
February 10, 2016
Transcript:
Man: Hey, it works for me, but maybe you need to spell it out some more for all the jerks down here.
Tombstone: The ONE Commandment DON'T BE A JERK
Caption: Dumbing-up
Ann,the author requested not to have a comment section, because, among other things, the comments got weird, calling him the perfect master and saying stupid stuff….And the comment section had so many comments, it started getting ridiculous
Wiley just topped George Carline, who got it down to two.I – Always be honest and faithful to the source of thy nookieII – Try real hard not to kill someone (unless he prays to a different invisible man than you do)
The 1st 4 are all variations on the theme “you schmucks gotta suck up to me”-Only in one interpretation.In those days, there were two classed of people. There were the people, and there were those who were lords over them.Having a separate set of rules for the Lords is still observed today, and they are fewer and much different from those applying to the people.When’s the last time you left a girl in your car to drown while you went home to sleep it off, or traded in state secrets on your private email server and didn’t go to prison for the remainder of your days?
Here in Oklahoma, the commandments are referred to as historical, not religious. That’s the reason politicians and a lot of Okies want to display them on state property.
The problem is that the “jerks” are rarely willing to own up to being jerks. Deep down you know you’re a jerk so if you wanna be a jerk, be a jerk. Don’t get all whiny because someone calls you out for being a jerk. Show some courage in your convictions.
As for Teddy, read The Bridge at Chappaquiddick if you can still find it. It gives a much more plausible explanation of that night, especially when one considers his bad back and the tides in that area.’Don’t forget Ollie (I got off on a technicality) North, and the “sainted” Ronnie, who DID trade arms for hostages, and sent them to the Sandinistas. A lot more damaging than sending emails that WERE NOT CLASSIFIED AT THE TIME OF THEIR SENDING!
Well, let’s see…Jerk: Tripping someone for amusement.Big Jerk: Embarrassing someone for a minor incident that didn’t hurt anyone or anything. Huge Jerk: Consuming someone’s food or drink when they’re not looking.Super Jerk: Having someone give up their need to benefit another’s own unnecessary desire.Unbelievable Jerk: Belittling someone for life-changing misfortuneColossal Jerk: Generalizing a population and leading action against said population despite circumstances or evidence to the contraryF***ing Jerk: Ruining multiple lives for one’s own benefit without remorse.-Your interpretations are your own.
The Ten Commandments? Obsolete, my friendOn me (your anti-conscience) please depend
Instead of one god only, have a fewIf you get lucky some might follow YOU
And honoring thy parents makes no senseUnless you move back to their residence
And never take the good Lord’s name in vainUnless, of course, you’re hacked off or in pain
And Sabbath-honoring? So yesterdayIn these enlightened times sin every day
And don’t create an evil graven imageUnless thereby you do your rivals damage
Bear no false witness against friend or neighborUnless, of course, it lessens your own labor
And stealing in this modern day and age?Both Wall and Main Street think it’s all the rage
Adultery can be a lovely gamePreventing sex from being “same ol’ same ol’ same”
And coveting thy neighbor’s wife and assCan be a treat, but only if the lassBe well and truly formed, so here’s my rule:Where wife is lacking, covet only mule
The 10 Commandments can be summed up in one sentence.
“Don’t take other people’s stuff.”
Don’t take what belongs to God: Godhood, Holiness and Obedience.Don’t take what belongs to your parents: Honor and Respect.Don’t take what belongs to other people: Lives, Spouses, Animals, and other belongings.
Slavery didn’t even start out as a Race Issue.The Greeks & Romans would happily enslave Anyone.Later on, the English actually began with the Irish as a source of slaves for their plantations in the “new World”.They didn’t begin making the Long, Expensive trip to Africa for slave until the number of Easily Caught Irish people began to drop off which cut into the Profits from their little “Business”..Plus, there were some scandals where the slavers grabbed up some people who Weren’t Irish and actually had Friends and/or Relatives in a position to raise a huge stink about it.
in.amongst almost 9 years ago
Now i can’t figure out of God or Moses was a liberal – to use 10 where one would do!
Kali39 almost 9 years ago
And anyway, it’s too easy to break this one.
Bilan almost 9 years ago
Reminds me of the old joke …I see stupid people. They’re everywhere.They don’t even know that they’re stupid.
Varnes almost 9 years ago
Ann,the author requested not to have a comment section, because, among other things, the comments got weird, calling him the perfect master and saying stupid stuff….And the comment section had so many comments, it started getting ridiculous
Hugh B. Hayve almost 9 years ago
I’ll bet the bible was a pretty decent little book of moral stories before the political revisionists got a hold of it.
hitman4cookies almost 9 years ago
Wiley just topped George Carline, who got it down to two.I – Always be honest and faithful to the source of thy nookieII – Try real hard not to kill someone (unless he prays to a different invisible man than you do)
Brass Orchid Premium Member almost 9 years ago
The 1st 4 are all variations on the theme “you schmucks gotta suck up to me”-Only in one interpretation.In those days, there were two classed of people. There were the people, and there were those who were lords over them.Having a separate set of rules for the Lords is still observed today, and they are fewer and much different from those applying to the people.When’s the last time you left a girl in your car to drown while you went home to sleep it off, or traded in state secrets on your private email server and didn’t go to prison for the remainder of your days?
djhaisell Premium Member almost 9 years ago
“Love one another as I have loved you.”
tripwire45 almost 9 years ago
Actually I think the 613 commandments observant Jews believe are contained in the Torah explained to the ancient Israelites how not to be a jerk.
LadyJessica almost 9 years ago
Can we keep it positive and make the commandment “Be nice”?
SkyFisher almost 9 years ago
I can’t believe no one has said this yet:
The Greatest Commandment is this: Love the LORD Your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.
And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.
All of the rest of the Bible is summed up in these two commandments.
e.groves almost 9 years ago
Here in Oklahoma, the commandments are referred to as historical, not religious. That’s the reason politicians and a lot of Okies want to display them on state property.
km352 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
The problem is that the “jerks” are rarely willing to own up to being jerks. Deep down you know you’re a jerk so if you wanna be a jerk, be a jerk. Don’t get all whiny because someone calls you out for being a jerk. Show some courage in your convictions.
sarah413 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Behold these 15 (drops a tablet), 10 Commandments. Walks away grumbling.
morningglory73 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Give that one commandment to Trump.
edward thomas Premium Member almost 9 years ago
As for Teddy, read The Bridge at Chappaquiddick if you can still find it. It gives a much more plausible explanation of that night, especially when one considers his bad back and the tides in that area.’Don’t forget Ollie (I got off on a technicality) North, and the “sainted” Ronnie, who DID trade arms for hostages, and sent them to the Sandinistas. A lot more damaging than sending emails that WERE NOT CLASSIFIED AT THE TIME OF THEIR SENDING!
Habogee almost 9 years ago
Try the “Comfy Couch of Confusion”site.
yimhere almost 9 years ago
It’s not polite to point……
dabugger almost 9 years ago
Well, whatever myth you have to believe; or ignore. But ‘dumpup’ or else. . .
jahoody almost 9 years ago
I prefer the British term “pillock” to “jerk”…..you can really spit it out…………
KEA almost 9 years ago
not to mention the ones in Catholic churces
Say What? Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Well, let’s see…Jerk: Tripping someone for amusement.Big Jerk: Embarrassing someone for a minor incident that didn’t hurt anyone or anything. Huge Jerk: Consuming someone’s food or drink when they’re not looking.Super Jerk: Having someone give up their need to benefit another’s own unnecessary desire.Unbelievable Jerk: Belittling someone for life-changing misfortuneColossal Jerk: Generalizing a population and leading action against said population despite circumstances or evidence to the contraryF***ing Jerk: Ruining multiple lives for one’s own benefit without remorse.-Your interpretations are your own.
Ginny Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Actually, 10 is not really enough …
Seed_drill almost 9 years ago
I bring you these 15 (crash) 10 Commandments.
Godfreydaniel almost 9 years ago
The Ten Commandments? Obsolete, my friendOn me (your anti-conscience) please depend
Instead of one god only, have a fewIf you get lucky some might follow YOU
And honoring thy parents makes no senseUnless you move back to their residence
And never take the good Lord’s name in vainUnless, of course, you’re hacked off or in pain
And Sabbath-honoring? So yesterdayIn these enlightened times sin every day
And don’t create an evil graven imageUnless thereby you do your rivals damage
Bear no false witness against friend or neighborUnless, of course, it lessens your own labor
And stealing in this modern day and age?Both Wall and Main Street think it’s all the rage
Adultery can be a lovely gamePreventing sex from being “same ol’ same ol’ same”
And coveting thy neighbor’s wife and assCan be a treat, but only if the lassBe well and truly formed, so here’s my rule:Where wife is lacking, covet only mule
Concerning killing, causing rigor mortisOnly R.J. Reynolds ever rivals Phillip Morris
Dr_Zinj almost 9 years ago
The 10 Commandments can be summed up in one sentence.
“Don’t take other people’s stuff.”
Don’t take what belongs to God: Godhood, Holiness and Obedience.Don’t take what belongs to your parents: Honor and Respect.Don’t take what belongs to other people: Lives, Spouses, Animals, and other belongings.
pcolli almost 9 years ago
My one commandment: Do anything you want to, as long as you don’t inconvenience of harm anyone else.
Eric S almost 9 years ago
This one’s directed specifically at YOU, Wil Wheaton! Mr Hypocrite!
Thomas & Tifffany Connolly almost 9 years ago
Still incomprehensible.
JP Steve Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Today’s themes complement each other rather well — Brooke McEldowney shut down the comments on his strips because too many jerks were commenting!
Shimmery Mermaid almost 9 years ago
*Hug*z Wiley Miller*Hi5*z Wiley Miller
tired-one almost 9 years ago
Either somebody who deleted her post or got banned, I supposeLove the strip, Wiley, and many of the comments.
davids.comments almost 9 years ago
Seems more like a mission/vision statement than an actual rule.
Meh~tdology, fka Pepelaputr almost 9 years ago
So, it went from a simple Atheist Commandment to a set easily circumvented for Religious, Political, or Monetary reasons?
Kali39 almost 9 years ago
And speaking of stupid jerks, we have the great John Cleese (who isn’t one but he played the greatest): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvVPdyYeaQU
SuperAndy Premium Member almost 9 years ago
http://www.gocomics.com/wrong-hands/2015/09/24
Meh~tdology, fka Pepelaputr almost 9 years ago
@Reynard61“Liberal translation distortions…?Pfffttttt!(Right click to open in a new tab.)
Tarredandfeathered almost 9 years ago
Slavery didn’t even start out as a Race Issue.The Greeks & Romans would happily enslave Anyone.Later on, the English actually began with the Irish as a source of slaves for their plantations in the “new World”.They didn’t begin making the Long, Expensive trip to Africa for slave until the number of Easily Caught Irish people began to drop off which cut into the Profits from their little “Business”..Plus, there were some scandals where the slavers grabbed up some people who Weren’t Irish and actually had Friends and/or Relatives in a position to raise a huge stink about it.