Bloom County by Berkeley Breathed for December 18, 2018

Poor Opus!

Steve’s handicapped he’s a lawyer

Chop shop!

where today it will be used to help illegal aliens.

Thought he drove a Buick…lol

Serves his selfish arse right!

Hot Rod Lincoln – Commander Cody (Part 1)

My pappy said, "Son, you’re gonna’ drive me to drinkin’

If you don’t stop drivin’ that Hot Rod Lincoln."

Have you heard this story of the Hot Rod Race

When Fords and Lincolns was settin’ the pace.

That story is true, I’m here to say

I was drivin’ that Model A.

It’s got a Lincoln motor and it’s really souped up.

That Model A Vitimix makes it look like a pup.

It’s got eight cylinders; uses them all.

It’s got overdrive, just won’t stall.

With a 4-barrel carb and a dual exhaust,

With 4.11 gears you can really get lost.

It’s got safety tubes, but I ain’t scared.

The brakes are good, tires fair.

Pulled out of San Pedro late one night

The moon and the stars was shinin’ bright.

We was drivin’ up Grapevine Hill

Passing cars like they was standing still.

All of a sudden in a wink of an eye

A Cadillac sedan passed us by.

I said, “Boys, that’s a mark for me!”

By then the taillight was all you could see.

Now the fellas was ribbin’ me for bein’ behind,

So I thought I’d make the Lincoln unwind.

Took my foot off the gas and man alive,

I shoved it on down into overdrive.

Wound it up to a hundred-and-ten

My speedometer said that I hit top end.

My foot was blue, like lead to the floor.

That’s all there is and there ain’t no more.

Now the boys all thought I’d lost my sense

And telephone poles looked like a picket fence.

They said, "Slow down! I see spots!

The lines on the road just look like dots."

(Continued)

Hot Rod Lincoln – Commander Cody (Part 2)

Took a corner; sideswiped a truck,

Crossed my fingers just for luck.

My fenders was clickin’ the guardrail posts.

The guy beside me was white as a ghost.

Smoke was comin’ from out of the back

When I started to gain on that Cadillac.

Knew I could catch him, I thought I could pass.

Don’t you know by then we’d be low on gas?

We had flames comin’ from out of the side.

Feel the tension. Man! What a ride!

I said, “Look out, boys, I’ve got a license to fly!”

And that Caddy pulled over and let us by.

Now all of a sudden she started to knockin’,

And down in the dips she started to rockin’.

I looked in my mirror; a red light was blinkin’

The cops was after my Hot Rod Lincoln!

They arrested me and they put me in jail.

And called my pappy to throw my bail.

And he said, "Son, you’re gonna’ drive me to drinkin’

If you don’t stop drivin’ that Hot! Rod! Lincoln!"

Steve’s problem is that he is morally handicapped, not physically handicapped.

Steve IS mentally handicapped…

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! There is justice!!! Steve’s ‘Vette is in Tijuana. Well, it WAS in TJ. It’s just not so much a ’Vette anymore.

Good luck on ever seeing that car again…

Steve’s an A-hole, but Milo committed grand theft auto.

Serves you right, you selfish git. I hate it when people think they can use the disabled spot when they don’t have a permit! And yes, I do have a permit, and I have reported people for doing it.

I also keep telling myself that karma WILL get them one day.. just wish I could see it!

Steve used to have a Corvette. Now he has a memory. Milo actually sort of did the Right Thing, except for the tow being to Tijuana….