Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 05, 2017

Wasn’t Rat a judge few months ago? He got demoted.

how good are Rat’s typing skills I wonder

What’s brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A Doberman

Why does the Bar prevent a lawyer from having sex with his client?

To keep the lawyer from billing twice for essentially the same thing.

Everyone loves to bash lawyers; but you should always remember that they fill a vital role; if it weren’t for them, rats and roaches would have to do things they found morally reprehensible.

You guys commenting on this strip are funnier than the strip itself.

98% of the attorneys make the rest of us look bad.

On American TV, half the ads seem to be drug companies telling you to use their product to cure what ails you, and the other half is lawyers trying to get you to sue the drug companies for the damage caused by those products.

What do you need when you find three lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

A) More Sand.b) Honey and ants.C) depends on the distance to the hole, but probably a 5 iron.

That’s the first time I ever saw Goat crack a smile.

If you are in a sealed room with 1. A lawyer, 2. A starving tiger and 3. A starving crocagator, and all you have is a gun with just TWO bullets, what do you do? Answer: Shoot the lawyer, twice.

Know the difference between a lawyer and a carp?One is a slimy bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish

Don’t tell me a lawyer joke, I’ve got several friends who are lawyers.

(It doesn’t mean I’ll be offended, but it does mean I’ve already heard it)

I worked for 35 of them. They’re simple folk. Easily fooled.

The dollar is nine tenths of the law.

Harvard Medical School has started using lawyers in place of rats. There are more of them, they’ll do things no rat would ever dream of doing, and you don’t get so attached to them.

Great lawyer jokes you all! Thanks for the laughs.

Why should you worry about lawyers practicing law.

Because no matter how long they’ve been practicing they can’t get it right.

BTW: remember that half of all the lawyers graduated in the bottom half of their class.

Excellent strip today! I truly laughed OUT LOUD. Really.

Old tactic, you’re hurt for life and the lawyers settle. You’ve been conned! Hold out. Yes, hold out and do not settle till you’re in court. First learn about the time value of money, e.g. $20K in 1990 is now worth $200K and in 2044 will be $2 million. Then argue that you want the settlement in monthly payments. Your friendly and helpful lawyer will fight you to the death.

Why don’t sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

This is my favorite comic strip, because of Stephan’s willingness to make fun of himself. Unfortunately, it was recently dropped from my local newspaper.

Who on earth would hire Rat?

Oh of course. Anything can happen in comic strips.

xxx

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

.

A rooster clucks defiance.

You know, of course, that Stephan was a lawyer….

My earlier post seems to have disappeared, so here it is again:

:

How is a goose like a lawyer?

He can stick his bill up his @$$.

Given Cartoon-Boy’s known history, I can understand your predicament Rat (and this applies to you, too, Goat). There is no escaping your Creator and (Rat’s) alter ego….

Too many lawyer jokes, too little time. My favorite has to do with a couple of alligators and not shaking a certain waste product out of the body before eating them in order to gain weight.

Didn’t read all 50 or so comments above, so I apologize if this has been covered. A court reporter works for a paper or for tv / internet news and covers what goes on in court, or tennis / basketball players. A court stenographer takes notes in court. Wondering which job rat took.

A lawyer goes to get a headstone for a plot for his final resting place. He asks to have it inscribed with “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man”. The inscribers says, “We are not allowed to bury two men in the same grave!”.

Wow

STP mocking his former profession once again.