Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 04, 2017

He’s trying to reform the sinners.

No, Pig, not exErcise demons.

Just as that’s not how exorcism works, demonic possession is not like what it is in the movies. Usually, in the Catholic Church (which I’m a member of, by the way), the victim does not give consent to be possessed but inadvertently triggers it by doing something related to the occult that they really shouldn’t have. Usually, symptoms include sudden manifestation of superhuman strength without proper dieting and exercising and often unnatural for the victim’s age (this usually manifests with losing control of one’s personality and can cause others to be attacked), a sudden change in the victim’s voice, speaking in foreign languages without having previously learned them, the ability to have distant and hidden knowledge without previously knowing it (including a sudden ability to predict the future, usually in dreams), an ability to levitate/move/expel objects, and especially a tendency to become averted to sacred objects at best or at worst blasphemous and enraged at the same time (often entering into a frenzy if not outright rage) along with constantly making obscene gestures and overuse of profanity around such objects. This may include antipathy at entering a church building, speaking Jesus’s name, or reading/hearing scripture.

Furthermore, to ensure that no one loses his or her life due to their condition being misdiagnosed it is the Church’s guidelines that doctors must first evaluate the person to make sure it is a mere physical or mental health problem, especially if drug addiction was involved, and even if an exorcism is necessary then a medical team must be on standby to ensure that nothing goes wrong and the victim doesn’t die. Remember, demonic possession is actually very rare contrary to what a lot of folks believe. In the exorcism process, the victim is always restrained in order to prevent harm, and the priest will usually discuss how the rite works first before conducting it. He usually simply prays the Lord’s Prayer and the Hail Mary (as well as the Athanasian Creed), and he has to keep doing it and get as many people around him to do it until the demon (s) can be finished off, or he will otherwise be cursed to have the demons stalk him for the rest of his life. This is what makes exorcism hard, since it sometimes doesn’t work the first time. In the most extreme cases it takes months before an exorcism can be successfully completed, but this is because it is not a prayer over the victim but a literal confrontation with evil that has to be banished for the victim’s sake.

Sorry if I took so long, but I thought y’all would want to know if y’all didn’t.

As if they don’t already feel the burn!

If there were a Circle of Hell for the slothful, this is how it would operate.

Pig, stand in the corner for 2 hours and think about what you just said.

Cross Fit?

Railwayman comes from the tribe of “Too many Words”, Nice going.

What has Pastis been drinking now??

It seems to me that Railwayman simply didn’t get the joke.

No, Pig…………

It beats hot yoga.

I suspect those demons really do feel the burn….

Exorcising demons may not even be actually exorcising them. In fact they may leave on their own accord (while putting on some show about it) just to lend credence to the exorcist or what-ever organization that represents.

This is why Jesus said the words recorded in in Matthew 7:22, 23…“Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.”

I’d be very careful about throwing around terms like ‘evidence’ and ‘verifiable facts.’ When one get down to the very basics much of what we call science is based on a couple of unprovable assumptions. Math and Science works because we say they do. We have built up an internally consistant structure that seems to work and explains a lot, but don’t ever think that it explains or even addresses, everything. Be open to the possibility of Wonder. FYI, I have a degree in a hard science.

It’s funny how many people are using this comment section to “enlighten” others about religion, philosophy, and science.

Lighten up, folks, it’s all about the recurring theme of Pig misunderstanding darn near everything that is said to him, and the hilarious image in the third panel.

Love this!

(Ignoring the stupid comments made by stupid people. They’re just attention seekers)

xxx

Maybe the workout would go better if it were done to music, like “Soul Man” or “Don’t Fear the Reaper.”

Richard Simmons is a priest now? So that’s what happened to him!

Hot damn! What a workout!

Panel 3 is just Pig’s imagination, since, being but a pig of little brain (apologies to Pooh), he confuses exorcise and exercise. Maybe Father Gus could enlighten him, but I wouldn’t get my hopes too far up….

I don’t believe it, 96 comments on a cute little comic about demons! PEOPLE, get a life!

Sorry Father, you never really had him.

Hell’s Buns!