Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for December 02, 2017

I think his par got snipped too.

The root of the problem is that it’s a mandrake wanna-be.

My baby loves my parsnips body building program. I can dead lift twice my weight in crooked parsnips when I am just out of the shower every morning. Why me and Suzy both lift parsnips and it lifted our sex lives above and beyond the norm. Be sure and learn the one step program today!

What Bill T. and your mandrake, I’ll play your game, ya, any Sunday afternoon.

I’ve seen some carrots that would make a coal miner blush.

I happen to be a parsnip. I consider myself to be fairly smooth to fairly well formed. I harbor no illusions that I am well trimmed, however.

Oh, like you don’t “grade” them at the market with your unrealistic body expectations?

So I was on my own. I noticed that things only got weird around other people, like how an old AM transistor radio around other electrical equipment would pick up static. A week after it all started that morning in Wrothison’s class, one of the teachers was busted for having “relations” with one of the other kids. I didn’t catch the connection right away, but I did when I noticed that the static in math class had cleared up. I began to formulate a scale for weirdness, based on how far from the expected normal things became.

You will loose 10% during preparation.

Throw it away and you loose 100%.

Stop throwing away food.

My Dear Mother, is this the same as, “Don’t get snippy with me mister?”

The definitions list pretty well fits mine for girls when I was in my teens. I soon grew out of that list, like a parsnip in a bed of horse manure.

The interwebs: all things to all people. Now we can even body-shame a parsnip.

It’s an important job, Atlas. Someone has to do it.

It’s not like it can just be shrugged off.

And don’t even get me started on horseradish…

The produce department shall turnip their nose to those that appear out of the ordinary..

Poor parsnip person, roundly rejected by politicking pooh-bahs, could conceivably consider masquerading as a mandrake!

Squeak!