Close to Home by John McPherson for November 30, 2010

Assuming he doesn’t drop you like a sack of potatoes.

How many bags is that?

(Bicycle Built for Two tune)

Michael , Michael Here is your answer true. I’m not crazy Enough to be marrying you– You can’t afford a carriage, There won’t be any marriage. ‘Cause I won’t be back If you think I’m a sack Of potatoes 80 pounds times two.

Given his posture, I hope one of the wedding gifts is a gift certificate to a chiropractor.

Hey lady, there’s still time to back out!

He’s about to get mashed.

That’s not very nice!

buttermuscles

“No dear, I don’t think you weigh 160 pounds, I’m just using that as a training exercise so that you’ll feel light as a feather.”

A friend of mine would say he was afraid that guy would “strain a giblet”, and wouldn’t be able to pick her up or perform when the time came.

Do newlyweds ever do that anymore?

my wife weighed 72 lbs when we were kids and i threw her across the threshold, into the bed. good aim!. you suck for efforts, dude

Yeah, carrying 160# is not a great way to continue the relationship. He’d be better off going to the gym and clandestinely lifting that in weights. If he wants to make amends, he’d better buy a bag of marshmellows quick!

Sam just received his honorable discharge from the army, his wife to be that “KP” stood for something else, then she learned that he was in charge of peeling potatoes . ..