Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich for August 02, 2018

Maybe Dad really believes this story. ;{

A blatant abdication of parental duty. Shame!

Of course, it’s total fiction. At least for my old-fart generation, no one asked dad about this stuff.

So you’re saying its not the stork?

“Well, you remember in the movie Alien how….”

Was he a difficult delivery?

“Honey, I shrunk our kid.”

When I was seven, my mom got sick, and I was sent to live with an aunt and uncle and college age cousin for six weeks. One morning, at breakfast, the following ensued:

Me: Where do babies come from?Aunt Fran: They grow in their mommies’ tummies.Me: (scornfully): I know THAT! But how do they get in there?Aunt Fran (carefully): Well, the father plants a seed and it grows into a baby.Me: yes, I know that, too, but how does he get the SEED in there?Aunt Fran (after long pause): You know, it’s been so long, I can’t remember!

(This is the point where Uncle Lou spewed a mouthful of coffee onto the newspaper.)

In the course of a conversation at a restaurant, I was asked about fatherhood. I made a minimal response and was told, “You’ll have to be involved somehow!” So I replied, “I expect to have some input in production, but I’ll be in management—I won’t be in labor.” That shut them up.