F Minus by Tony Carrillo for November 29, 2018

man probably doesn’t want to get rickets

Maybe they just don’t want us to know that aliens have crossed the galaxy in search of dairy products.

Uh-oh, guys he’s onto us!

The Russians took it!

‘They’ made you say that!

Blame Canada. Works for The Donald.

Wait until he notices his own picture on that empty milk carton…

Here’s an alternate theory, hon. Maybe you’re a doofus because you saw that we were getting low on milk and didn’t go to the store to buy more.

That’s exactly what they want you to think.

There’s milk in there. Bang it on the counter and shake it until a chunk breaks loose.

Milkgate!

Yeah. We all know that Obama did it.

It was an inside job. Or the almond/soy milk people. Or maybe those cows on the grassy knoll. Or…

That carton must be hard to lift when it’s fill, with the handle being in the middle.

She means hypothesis.

Don’t listen to her. Those same people are sneaking into my home and eating the last: cookies, slices of pies, Pop Tarts, and chocolate milk. Beware!

My husband always rolls his eyes when I say, “Someone must’ve broken in and stolen it.” When I can’t seem to find something.

The conspiracy of ignorance.