Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for February 11, 2019

Reminds me of the joke: Moses comes down from the mountain. “Men, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that I got the commandments down to only 10 in number. The bad news is adultery is still in there.”

Moses and his buddy going boogie boarding?

The Spin-psycho?…

“Thou shalt not bear false witness.” Ms. Sanders? Oh, right, alternative facts.

This better be good or it’s back to Egypt with you and your friend.

And thus, the vile, slimy creatures known as lawyers were born.

He just wants to give humanity a break!

I know I’ve posted my poem on a few other comics, but not here, far as I remember, and if I did, I’m sorry. But here we go with “The Ten Commandments Are Obsolete”:

The Ten Commandments? Obsolete, my friend

On me (your anti-conscience) please depend

Instead of one god only, have a few

If you get lucky some might follow YOU

And honoring thy parents makes no sense

Unless you move back to their residence

And never take the good Lord’s name in vain

Unless, of course, you’re pissed off or in pain

And Sabbath-honoring? So yesterday

In these enlightened times sin every day

And don’t create an evil graven image

Unless thereby you do your rivals damage

Bear no false witness against your friend or neighbor

Unless, of course, it lessens your own labor

And stealing in this modern day and age?

Both Wall and Main Street think it’s all the rage

Adultery can be a lovely game

Preventing sex from being “same ol’ same ol’ same”

And coveting thy neighbor’s wife and ass

Can be a treat, but only if the lass

Be well and truly formed, so here’s my rule:

Where wife is lacking, covet only mule

Concerning killing, causing rigor mortis

Only R.J. Reynolds ever rivals Phillip Morris

He said he’d take care of the third tablet in editing.

My silly literal inner eye pictured Moses spinning those tablets like a Chinese circus acrobat spins plates on the end of a stick.

A former prime minister of Germany said: “the ten commandments are so short and clear, because no conferences and consultants were involved”.