The Comic Strip That Has A Finale Every Day by John "Scully" Scully for October 12, 2022

If you think lawyers don’t have hearts, read this:

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer.

So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying,‘Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the United Way ?’

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says,‘First,did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?’

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, ‘Uh… no, I didn’t know that.’

‘Secondly,’ says the lawyer, ‘did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?’

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

‘Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?’

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, ’I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’

And the lawyer says, ‘So, if I didn’t give any money to them, what makes you think I’d give any to you?’

What a Guy, That Bubba!

~

Two rednecks, Bubba and Couter, decide to go to college. Bubba goes first, and he is advised to take maths, history and logic.

— “What’s logic?” says Bubba.

— “Well, let me give you an example,” says the professor. “Do you own a tractor?”

— “Sure do,” says Bubba.

— “Okay. Then I assume, using logic, that you have a yard.”

— “That’s real good,” says Bubba, in awe.

— “Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house. Is that right?”

— "Gawly!” says Bubba.

— “And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, the odds are that you have a wife. Right?”

— “Betty Mae! This is incredible!”

— “Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume you are heterosexual. Is that right?”

— “You are absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thang I ever heerd of. I can’t wait to take this here logic class!”

Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, goes back into the hallway where Couter is waiting.

— “So what classes are ya takin’?” says Couter.

— “Maths, history and logic,” says Bubba.

— “What in tarnation is logic?”

— “Let me give you an example,” says Bubba. “Do you own a tractor?”

— “No.”

— “Then you’re gay.”

Oh no. Me too late for tacos again and it already Woenessday. Woe is me!

Cold as the knob on an outhouse door,Cold as the heart of a Baltimore w-ore,Cold as the nipple on a witch’s t-t,Cold as a pile of penguin $hit!