Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for June 27, 2019

Or…at the very least…an anxiety attack. :)

Not for you who gets up at noon, hangover permitting.

Clocks aren’t worse than a yammering cat. That noise is so penetrating, and she won’t shut up!

An alarm clock is supposed to scare the daylights into you. There’s also that wonderful button, it’s got the word “snooze” on it, so you can repeat the joy.

As I like to say as I greet each day – why am I awake?

A cardiac arrest is far better than the other ways to get arrested, Aunty!

The heart attack is when you’re sitting in your house, innocently watching the news – then you hear your first and last name followed, by “come out with your hands up!” That’s the heart attack!! (My younger daughter of blessed memory had just been given a new cop car, complete with computer and loudspeaker – she wanted to show it to me … and do a little mischief at the same time.)

Was she a cop? You can get in a lot of trouble if you steel one.

One the very weird things about my retirement is that, every once in a while, I dream that my alarm is going off, and I even wake up and reach for it! Even weirder is that, the last time it happened, I was able to convince myself(in the dream), that it wasn’t actually ringing, and not to wake up! ☺

I guess that’s why it’s called an ‘alarm’ clock.

And that’s why I bought one of those small TVs (13") with an ‘alarm’ function. I’d set it to the channel with the morning news I liked and set it to come on at the time I needed to wake up. No ‘alarm’ clanging, just the voices of the newscasters bringing me back up to consciousness. I’d focus on what they were saying to bring myself around. Now I’m retired and I only use it if I have to get up early for an appointment. The rest of the time, blessed silence reigns and I sleep until I want to wake up.

Just noticed Aunty’s false teeth on the night stand.

I agree Aunty, alarm clocks should be outlawed!