Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for February 23, 2025

… what, he showed you a mirror?

Hit “Save”, Larry. Often! And don’t trust Autocorrect!

The PC version of the Rainbow Wheel of Death?

Larry has finally learned what the rest of us already know about Microsoft.

Come on Larry, you didn’t need that money anyway.

Another update, no doubt. System crashes, blue screen. Been there, done that.

Good morning, Ballard Dears!

/// His computer just made Larry cry.

He had asked questions of its A.I.

It used all of the data

he’d supplied to create a

way to forecast the date he would die.

/// His health; where he lived; what he ate;

and his lifestyle (which wasn’t that great).

Many thousands of facts,

and each adds or subtracts

months, predicting his ultimate fate.

/// Larry’s wife told him, “Don’t be a fool!

Your computer is only a tool.

Garbage in— garbage out.

There is still room for doubt.

Don’t be focused on death like a ghoul!”

I know just how Larry feels. I think we all do at one time or another. Unlike other social mediums such as FB, trolls are mercifully rare at GoComics (provided we refrain from talking Politics and Religion) but it only takes one to spoil the apple cart.

Like in life, we can experience 99 happy exchanges within a day but it only takes one a$$h0le to take you back to square one and have you reaching for the Sertraline.

E.g; Someone driving through a red light nearly killing you then blasting their horn (a swearing device) when you react.

This is my ‘go to’ limerick and is dedicated to all you trolls and mutants out there.

Present company excepted!

//////

The internet isn’t so nice,

On a desktop or handheld device.

Trolls are so mean,

Their comments obscene,

They hide behind keyboards and mice!

Leisure Suit Larry was a ‘70s dude

Whose old pickup lines were lame and crude

The women upon he tried of late to score

Are not so easy to seduce anymore

And late in his game he’s been MeToo’d

.

He had sleazy fun in his heyday

But these days no easy lays come his way

Young game players think his movements clunky

And his leisure suits way on beyond funky

And the dudes his age are bald if not gray.

.

Poor Larry went on-line and found it shocking

That his old pick-up lines did incite cruel mocking

From young women that were one third his age

They asked if he used the blue pill in high dosage

Such that he had mail order trucks daily docking

.

Sigh … Even Don Juan had his reckoning

With the Stone Guest arising and beckoning

Larry thinks he might just join a clergy

That does not wear robes to affect his wool allergy

And if so he may then see to checkin’ ing

Amen to that. Windows 11 has been my ruin. ( No, don’t expect any better from Apple either!)

Larry is blue… And so is his screen…

And that’s when Harry turned baffoon

Every key he pressed, he became a raging loon

Sitting in the basement, damp and cold

Wife’s hollering Harry, please take hold!

She did bring snacks for him to munch

She also told him that’s your lunch.

All the passwords he did lob

Ole Harry decided to get a job!

I have always believed that computers were the work of the Devil. What, haven’t you ever seen someone sitting at a computer keyboard taking the Lord’s name in vain? All the time.

For Larry, the ends don’t justify the mean.

Too true, Larry. I feel your pain.

The cruelty of the inanimate.

Good morning Balladeers!

Hard Boot that cruel machine.

This one is a retread. It has appeared before….

Larry is feeling depressed,

And giving GoComics a rest.

He spoiled the joy,

For all girls and boys,

So the moderators told him to rest.