Rubes by Leigh Rubin for September 23, 2019

I only eat plant-based burgers, the cow eats plants then I eat the burger.

My burger comes from a packing plant.

Leaf beef

… or Chia Pets

The stuff they’re calling “impossiburger” and similar is only marginally plant based. Unless you realize that a factory is sometimes called a “plant”.

I actually like veggie patties made with things like beans, nuts, cereals and rice. But they don’t much taste like beef.

They’ll have to pry my REAL BEEF from my cold dead hands.

From what I read and see, more people better get used to “plant-based” food of all kinds, as the future does not bode well for an ever-growing population that sustains itself primarily with meat. Lots of yummy insects out there to eat, too. ;-)

I wouldn’t eat any clipped from that end.

If this truly catches on, we may see the very first kosher cheeseburger.

I just saw a local headline where some tofurkey company in Oregon is going to court suing to be able to declare their product as “meat.” I mean, I understand lying in advertising, even blatant lying. But THIS?

“Ah, yes, those are our soybeans out there, on the hoof as it t’were, as it t’were.”

I mean, MSG (a soy-based fermented product) is implicated as a neurotoxin, at minimum a neuroexciter, so why shouldn’t they get away with this if they can advertise MSG as a “natural” product, despite the millions who report headaches from consuming it?

Is he a farmer or a hedge fund manager?

he’s patient and takes his time ‘cause he knows it’s a long way to topiary…

Mmmm! Topiary burgers!

So if you find a twig in your veggieburger, does that count as a bone?