Ink Pen by Phil Dunlap for July 25, 2021

I remain ‘New Coke™’ was a deception. Pure and simple. They cut costs by switching from real sugar to high fructose corn syrup (true). But feared people would notice the taste of ‘The Real Thing™’ had changed (my theory). The solution? Introduce that idiot ‘New Coke’, keep the new junk around a few months, then ‘by popular demand’ bring back ‘Coke Classic™’ – the stuff sweetened with the cheaper junk. I don’t think they had counted on the backlash being as bad as it was. And people smuggling cases of Coke™ in from Mexico – where they still make it with real sugar because the corn growers lobby isn’t as strong. (And now some supermarkets carry it.)

I try not to drink coke of any type, it seems to leave a coating on my teeth, so I stick to beer.

Dodge twinkie? Man, I wish we played dodge twinkie…

It sounds like the new Republican-approved curriculum.

I’d be terrible at “Dodge Twinkie”…

(˘⌣˘)

Health class: “How to self inject your insulin.”

Well, if they’d have had “dodge Twinkie” when I was in school, I’d have been King. Not a single Twinkie thrown at our side by the opponents would’ve made it past me and would never have touched the ground.

The rules are simple: if you catch the Twinkie thrown at you and eat it, the thrower is out. If you get hit with a Twinkie and it falls on the floor, you have to eat the floor Twinkie and you’re out. Optional rule: Floor Twinkies that didn’t hit anyone may either be thrown back at the opposition or must all be eaten by the person most recently out. The latter variation is only a penalty if you’re playing with unwrapped Twinkies. Or you don’t like Twinkies.

“Cheetos” and the rest of Frito-Lays is owned by PepsiCo. Surely they wouldn’t consider New Coke a tragedy?