Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins for February 18, 2021

When he was a boy Windows didn’t have a number!

When he was a boy the TV had 3-5 channels, a 13” screen and you changed the channel by walking over and turning a knob.

Ah yes, the ancient art of talking your opponents to death. Also known as lung-fu.

It’s me, don’t tell anyone it’s my secret identity. I was networking with a local group and we were practicing our work stories for job interviews. It seemed I barely started and there were yawns. When I finished everyone gave the same advice…“make it shorter”.

His costume shirt should be one of those sleeveless undershirts…

Listen.

Be careful Collins, you’ve worked yourself into a very dark place. Better extricate yourself quickly. We old people are not quite as slow as you may think. If you have a minute, I’ll tell you ………………………….

And regaling the helpless with tales of medical afflictions…

I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

Lulling /victims/?

He reminds me very much of a guy I knew in the war. We were sitting in a canteen when he told me I reminded him of a guy he knew from peacetime. It was when they were sitting in a coffeeshop one day …

He can make his stories interesting, though – often they end differently and wander off onto different tangents every time he tells them…

STAN LEE!!!!!!!!!

That’s his super power, the way he did that to criminals so the cops can get them easily.

Agent of what, exactly?

Yeah, and the three of us in that foxhole in Italy would share hard-luck stories about getting thru the Depression.

Apart from bad posture, I’d say Old Fart is in superlative physical condition.