Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 13, 2021

Since we’re pretty evenly divided (politically) here in America, I managed to offend half the country last night. However, neither half knows for sure who was actually dissed. Oh, well. Not my problem. Here’s something that may offend a whole new set of folks:

A man goes to visit an old friend who has retired onto a farm. As he walks around with his farmer friend, he sees a pig in the barnyard with a wooden leg. “What’s the story on that pig?” he asks his friend.

“That’s no mere ‘pig,’” the farmer begins. “Two months ago, I fell off my tractor, which somehow kicked into reverse. My ankle was twisted; I couldn’t get away. I was about to be run over when that pig came charging in out of nowhere and dragged me to safety.”

“OK,” the man says. “But what about -”

“Last month, my youngest son fell into the well, and that pig came running to me and grunted and oinked for me to follow him. I did, just in time to save the child.”

“But -”

“And just last week our house caught on fire. That pig squealed loud enough to wake us all up, and we managed to escape. That, my friend, is a great pig.”

“But what’s with the wooden leg?”

“Hey, a great pig like that, you just don’t eat all at once.”

Okay. I have no trouble believing that something can made that looks like a lawnmower that can reach more that 140 mile per hour. But I will be really impressed if it can actually mow grass at that speed.

A man walks into a bar. “Ow! That’s gonna leave a bruise!” he says.

I want to know if the Sam Adams product is actually illegal in 15 states or if it is just illegal to call it beer in those 15 states instead of malt liquor.

Since it is in metric-using UK, Edwards’ mower goes 225.31 km an hour.

The Shropshire Slayer

Obviously Shropshire’s in England, everyone knows that, but where’s Florida ?

When a beer gets over 7% alcohol it tastes more like a bad wine.

The alligator story made the news out here in inland SoCal.

Without preamble…

Once upon a time there lived a Jewish man whose name was Saul the Dreamer. Saul was a man of roving and adventurous disposition, always ready to travel and explore. One day, an itinerant maggid told him about a faraway country where onions were unknown.

“No onions” mused the Dreamer “Now what kind of pleasure can they derive from their food without onions? I‘ll go there and introduce this delicious vegetable.”

Without any further delay he acquired a wagon-load of onions and started out for that country. It was a distant land and the journey took many months.

Immediately upon his arrival he went directly to the royal court and asked for an audience with the emperor.

“Your Highness, I bring you a new vegetable that possesses the unique quality of improving all food,” began Saul. “Even by itself it is a gourmet’s delight. I urge you to try it.”

“Very well,” agreed the monarch. “But if this strange vegetable should prove injurious you will forfeit your head.”

The dinner at which the onions were to be served was a formal one. All the ministers of state, the nobles and high priests of the mighty realm were invited. The dishes which contained the onions were tasted first by Saul the Dreamer, then by the slaves, and then, in turn, by the potentates and prelates. Finally the king tasted the new vegetable. The reaction among all was one of great enthusiasm. Serf and sovereign alike pronounced it most excellent in flavour and succulence. The monarch appropriated the wagon-load of onions for his court and gave Saul their weight in gold.

When the adventurer returned home, a committee of prominent citizens gathered to congratulate him on his good fortune. For hours he told his curious landsleit of the splendour and magnificence he had witnessed in that distant and mysterious country where gold was cheaper than onions.

And the people in the states where it’s legal drink it from beer hats while singing “Shomebody Look . .. hic … Up theeeee w-wurdz t thish Shong.. Pulleeezzzz .. plop”..

Take care, may failed Alcoholics Anonymous Speech Writer Gus “Hey.. Hey!” O’Leeveord be with you, and gesundheit.

Country and Western singer George Jones drove Tony Edwards’s riding lawn mower to the local drive thru liquor store where be bought four cases of Utopias using Abdul Gene Maliks’s military ID and credit card. Believe It or Not!

I’ve heard of freezing beer and scrapping off the ice to increase the alcohol percentage, but nothing as high as 28%.

The news reports show his name as Gene Bozzi, not Gene Malik. What’s going on? Did Ripley’s goof?

EXCELLENT Publication, today. I can read it all clearly without my glasses.

Sam’s beer is sooooo good.

Abdul Gene Malik that’s pretty brave of you, wearing socks and slippers. In Florida I’d expect socks and sandals.

Now the real question is this: at 140 MPH, how good a job can it really do of actually mowing grass? On one side of the mower, the blade can hardly be moving at all relative to the ground!

I never knew Sam Adams made shitty beer that was also super expensive.

A bit ironic considering the therapist Off the Mark strip I saw few days ago here, but now I know where that came from. I think people just added “after a while crocodile”, because while and crocodile simply just rhymed.

Why not just get some Everclear and pour it in a beer?

What was in the bin, body parts?

alligator story almost daily occurrence in Florida

Video of man catching alligator in trash can: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsTWCav3d-0&t=2s

Beer that’s illegal in 15 states? Does that include Massachusetts? (The original Samuel Adams is buried in Park Street Church graveyard, Boston, Ma.)