The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for December 08, 2021

I ate a peanut and it was a salted.

I’ll see myself out.

i heard Mr Peanut is in the hospital after an incident downtown. Police say he was a salted!

Well from seeing where the damage is I’d say that he was a$$-salted.

And a savage attack it was, too!

Cop: Can you describe your assailant?

Snowman: I never saw him. He sneaked up on me from behind and I wasn’t even aware of him until it was too late.

No dude, you WERE assaulted.

and back-salted, and head-salted….

Just wash it off… Uh… Let me re-think that.

Peppered with salt?

The nuts were unsalted. (oh dear me. sorry.)

Glad they did not hit him with a battery as well!

The perp had a monocle and a cane and a funny hat !

whoever did that was worth his salt…

This is why nobody makes salty ice creams.

And once again, never build a snowman in a high traffic area…you can lose your @$$!

If it had been a slug or a snail instead of a snowman, it would definitely be a homicide.

A witness stated he saw a girl in a blue dress carrying an umbrella.

If it was Mr Peanut, it must have been a Big sneeze.

Did the attacker yell “ I got your back, man!”

No Frosty no more.

It was Mr Peanut!

The perp was driving a truck that had the words “Department of Public Works” on it.

“Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der Straße, und von vas assaulted…peanut. Ohohohoho!”

But at least it didn’t make you ass look large.

MELTING! I AM MELTING! WHAT AN WORLD!

Nobody has mentioned the possibility of a dog peeing behind the snowman’s back.