Monty by Jim Meddick for January 27, 2022

Morning is about a month away.

Polar bears are the largest carnivores on land. As Ogden Nash said:

Isabel met an enormous bear,

Isabel, Isabel, didn’t care;

The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous,

The bear’s big mouth was cruel and cavernous.

The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you,

How do, Isabel, now I’ll eat you!

Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry.

Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.

She washed her hands and she straightened her hair up,

Then Isabel quietly ate the bear up.

An Arctic tourist once asked his guide why there was no sight on the end of his 357 pistol’s barrel. The guide replied; “That’s so when a Polar bear shoves it up my ass, it doesn’t hurt so much.”

if the man says it like a question then that usually means that they didn’t do it.

For a station like that they ought to have an industrial compactor. Go ahead, bear!

I guess they didn’t sign up for the weekly garbage pick up. Barry Distrubing!

Wait, aren’t they in the ANTarctic???

There aren’t any polar bears in the Antarctic. Penguins maybe, but no polar bears.

Surprised the other guy didn’t splash him with soup and send him out without a warning…

Toss out some ramen. Polar bears love it. Leave it in the bag. They’re puzzle solvers.

Years ago staying in the smokies, I put out the trash, locked it. Woke up in the middle of the night to a bear mauling the trash box. Beat the hell out of it until it got what it came for… as best as we can tell, my infant’s dirty diapers. That sh*t must’ve smelled good.

It’s black bears in our neighborhood. They are rather mellow, but always hungry. My locked can looks like his door.

My Father was stationed on a remote area of the Alaskan coast at a radar station. On a clear day they could see the Soviet Union. They did keep all the garbage cans locked but frustrated bears would eventually bash them into unrecognizable, useless heaps of metal.

No, go now, Monty! Please, go now. That polar bear may be hungry….

Taking out the trash? Is there a trash collection that far north?