Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for March 21, 2022

The Power of Magnetron Compels You!

I have in fact, trapped house flies in a microwave oven. Turn it on and emulsified the insect. They leave a scratch mark‼️❣️

As far as popcorn goes…

On a hot summer day, when the temp is 100°, the fields of corn can become popcorn for the Farmer.

Shucks, just kidding.

Then there was the Joe Cartoon gerbil in the microwave game. Flash may be dead, but there are some things I really miss.

Bathmat Factory Complaint Form

Your Name: Brass Orchid Date: 3-23-2022

Title: Lunch Room Rat

Department: Bath Mat Cafeteria

Complaint Information

Date of Incident: 2-3-2022 Time of Incident: 10:26 AM

Location of Incident: Bath Mat Cafeteria front corner, microwave counter

Please describe the incident in detail:

Because of supply chain issues, employees were called in for emergency shifts, during the Froglandia Ground Hog Day and Festival of Fecal Plumage Celebrations. On the date in question, at the time noted, several employees began preparing microwave demons, which stinks up the entire cafeteria.

If there are others who have witnessed the incident, please provide their names below:

They are too numerous to list. EVERYBODY was there! There is a roster of persons who were clocked in to morning break in the cafeteria, available from personnel. Please consult HR for details.

Is this the first time you have raised this concern about this person?

NO! They do this ALL THE TIME, and management seems not to care. As the Lunch Room Rat, I am charged with maintaining order and cleanliness in the cafeteria, which I have always done to the best of my ability. These employees, and one, in particular, are a constant threat to the safety and health of cafeteria patrons. See my report from 7-15-2021, regarding their use of the microwave to prepare fish.

Make sure to gear up before opening the unit after expulsion of the demons. Do NOT neglect your respirator.

I heard several manufacturers’ R&D efforts are now focused on whether they want to include ‘Demons’ as a setting of its own. True story.

The demons resemble froggettes…, methinks!

As the heats gets intense, they croak, squeal,and splatter all over…

Ew….at least they’re gone now….

Okay, who’s gonna clean up this green mess?

HA!

Where I live,

the proper setting for popcorn demons is 2:25 …!

It’s getting them into the microwave in the first place that’s the hard part. Mine keeps getting repossessed every time I try it.

As for Bathmat Man’s sidekick, how about Rub-in? Bathmat and Rub-in, the onanic duo. Not to be confused with their nemesis, The Diddler. Holy oil, Bathmat Man, that’s what I call a hardened criminal!

Meh. Microwaveable demons are just ok. They come out rubbery and dry, in my opinion. I much prefer them on a spit over open flame, luau style, interlaced with pineapple and smoked with coconut husks and sage leaves, and brushed with Huli Huli sauce. Mmmmmmm, that’s some good demon…

As exciting as microwaving Peeps.

Microwaveable demons are okay if you want to save time. However, to maximize the flavor of them, you need to deep fat fry them.

- on ANY setting. good luck with mwaves ;+)

Gee, I did not know that there were any microwave-expellable demons! This opens a whole new branch of exorcism, not to mention making microwaving my popcorn ever so much more exciting!

Get thee behind my popcorn, Satan!