A man from Texas, a man from California, and a man from Oregon are all sitting around a campfire. The Texan takes a flask from his pocket, uncorks it, takes one swig, and then hurls the flask high into the air. He takes his six-shooter out, aims, and BLAM! glass shards and whiskey are coming down.
“Why’d you do that?” the other men want to know.
“We have a LOT of whiskey in Texas,” he explains.
Not to be outdone, the Californian removes a wine bottle from his pocket, uncorks it, takes a sip, and then hurls the rest of the bottle into the air. He takes his six-shooter out, and BLAM! glass shards and wine are coming down.
“We have a LOT of wine in California,” he says.
Without saying a word, the Oregonian takes out his gun and shoots the Californian.
Are we sure that was not a planted pearl in that clam? Or was it actually an oyster being eaten? Ms. Bailey needs to know.
Take care, may failed Great White Shark Social Club of Mexico joiner Kevin “Sometimes They All Want To Take Me Behind The Barn And Shoot Me And I Fully Understand But I Must Protect My Brand” O’Learord be with you, and gesundheit.
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white marble wall along one side of the road. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. He saw a magnificent gate, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. As he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
“Excuse me, where are we?”
“This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered.
“Would you happen to have some water?”
“Of course, sir. Come right in, I’ll have some water brought right up.” The gate began to open.
“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveller asked.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”
“Oh, okay.” The man thought a moment and turned away.
After another long walk, he came to a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
“Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any water?”
“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.”
“How about my friend here?” the traveller gestured to the dog.
“There’s a bowl by the pump.”
The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, they walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
“What do you call this place?” the traveller asked.
“This is Heaven.”
“Well, that’s confusing, the place back there is called Heaven too.”
“You mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.”
“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”
“No, we’re glad they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.”
In the ’30’s, mail was often delivered by a silver fixed landing gear airplane to the Walnut Ridge airport. My dad and his dad was out plowing the cotton field with their only mule. A silver plane flew lazily overhead which caught the eyes of my dad (he said he was 7 or 8 yrs old at the time). He was quick to comment to his dad, “Look! There’s a mail plane!” His dad stopped the mule and looked at the plane his son was pointing at. His father took out his handkerchief and wiped his brow and seriously replied, “No son, that’s not a male plane. Those are just wheels hanging down.”
eromlig over 2 years ago
Here’s an old joke with a new twist:
A man from Texas, a man from California, and a man from Oregon are all sitting around a campfire. The Texan takes a flask from his pocket, uncorks it, takes one swig, and then hurls the flask high into the air. He takes his six-shooter out, aims, and BLAM! glass shards and whiskey are coming down.
“Why’d you do that?” the other men want to know.
“We have a LOT of whiskey in Texas,” he explains.
Not to be outdone, the Californian removes a wine bottle from his pocket, uncorks it, takes a sip, and then hurls the rest of the bottle into the air. He takes his six-shooter out, and BLAM! glass shards and wine are coming down.
“We have a LOT of wine in California,” he says.
Without saying a word, the Oregonian takes out his gun and shoots the Californian.
Templo S.U.D. over 2 years ago
Just how large are we talking here regarding Michael’s pearl? A ten-centimeter pearl?
JDP_Huntington Beach over 2 years ago
Great White Sharks
What did the Great White shark say when he ate the clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
Yes, Great White sharks can outswim you.
…but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you’re square. it all comes down to who’s the faster cyclist.
therese_callahan2002 over 2 years ago
The world’s his oyster, I mean clam.
mswinson over 2 years ago
Where is Silver?…
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
Are we sure that was not a planted pearl in that clam? Or was it actually an oyster being eaten? Ms. Bailey needs to know.
Take care, may failed Great White Shark Social Club of Mexico joiner Kevin “Sometimes They All Want To Take Me Behind The Barn And Shoot Me And I Fully Understand But I Must Protect My Brand” O’Learord be with you, and gesundheit.
Strider Premium Member over 2 years ago
Michael probably had a thousand dollars worth of a dentist bill. LOL
WCraft Premium Member over 2 years ago
I thought only oysters could create pearls; not clams…
FassEddie over 2 years ago
Pearls.
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white marble wall along one side of the road. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. He saw a magnificent gate, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. As he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
“Excuse me, where are we?”“This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered.
“Would you happen to have some water?”
“Of course, sir. Come right in, I’ll have some water brought right up.” The gate began to open.
“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveller asked.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”
“Oh, okay.” The man thought a moment and turned away.
After another long walk, he came to a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
“Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any water?”
“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.”
“How about my friend here?” the traveller gestured to the dog.
“There’s a bowl by the pump.”
The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, they walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
“What do you call this place?” the traveller asked.
“This is Heaven.”
“Well, that’s confusing, the place back there is called Heaven too.”
“You mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.”
“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”
“No, we’re glad they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.”
198.23.5.11 over 2 years ago
If that’s the restaurant in Cape May,New Jersey—-I highly recommend it with or without pearls.
As for Great White Shark social gatherings,sneak up on one and yell ROY SCHEIDER—-and watch them scatter,
mindjob over 2 years ago
Bitecoin is accepted in fine steakhouses nationwide
paranormal over 2 years ago
How much are the raw clams without a pearl???
Andrew Bosch Premium Member over 2 years ago
The Guadalupe Social Club would be a name for a mid-1980’s pop band.
Nancy Simpson over 2 years ago
Wow. A comment that’s both relevant and amusing.
ron45wells over 2 years ago
no pearls in clams, they come in oysters
Stephen Gilberg over 2 years ago
She wanted a Pisces. Or at least an Aquarius.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
Here’s a little something you might enjoy.
In the ’30’s, mail was often delivered by a silver fixed landing gear airplane to the Walnut Ridge airport. My dad and his dad was out plowing the cotton field with their only mule. A silver plane flew lazily overhead which caught the eyes of my dad (he said he was 7 or 8 yrs old at the time). He was quick to comment to his dad, “Look! There’s a mail plane!” His dad stopped the mule and looked at the plane his son was pointing at. His father took out his handkerchief and wiped his brow and seriously replied, “No son, that’s not a male plane. Those are just wheels hanging down.”
Until next time.
sdismukes over 2 years ago
What, he’s not a Pisces??
pbr50138 over 2 years ago
I’m surprised that the restaurant didn’t say the pearl was theirs to begin with.