Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for May 11, 2022

I’ve long said there are no new jokes; just new audiences. So prepare to hear one you’ve no doubt heard before, even if it featured different body parts…

Two men are out mining for gold when one gets bit on his foot (ouch!) by a rattlesnake. “Don’t worry,” his buddy says. “I’ll go into town and find a doctor.”

Arriving at the doctor’s office, the man tells the doctor the problem. “You have to suck the poison out,” the answer is given. “If you don’t, your friend will die.”

So the man goes back to his friend. “What did the doctor say?” the bitten man asks.

“He said you’re gonna die.”

As much as I, a guy, live on the way to Portland, how come I don’t recall ever seeing Sports Bra? Is it near Voodoo Doughnut, Powell’s Books, or even Moda Center?

I’m sure that bar has very supportive patrons. I would love to go there and have a cup of beer, but I’m strapped for cash.

To stay topical, here’s a turtle joke.

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.

About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.

Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, “Don’t you think it’s time we told him he was adopted?”

Until next time. Which will be quite soon.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened.

The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Until a little later next time.

A bit concerned about Steve.

Something tells me that guy is no Elmer Fudd.

rabbit tastes just like chicken……..

Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy all practiced cute aggression before “moving on.”

Is Jenny Nguyen’s place for dyslexic women athletes?

A rabbit is a mortal version of a Tribble.

Cute aggression? Someone has finally put a name to what I do with frosted donuts.

Cute agression… aka psychopath. Sheesh. What a horrible thing!!

The Sports Bra gives new meaning to nutsack.

Cute Aggression is certainly NOT cute!!!

Cute Aggression. Now I know why so many people hate Family Circus.

Hell I heard it a hundred times and I will hear it many more times before I pass. (Age 70)

I beg to differ: Nothing’s cute about aggression.

Take care, may women’s soccer enthusiast Howard “It’s Not As Obvious As Watching Women’s Gymnastics And Can Be Just As Fun If You’re Drunk” Wankord be with you, and gesundheit.

I remember as a child being the victim of cute aggression. Back then (in the 60s) there wasn’t a definition to describe this socially acceptable child abuse. I hated it, especially the cheek pinching.

What kind of food do they serve in the Sports Bra . brats?

Cute Aggression (great illustration of it btw) is caused by the same principle that causes people to cry from happiness, or fall in love in times of danger. There are actually relatively few neural mechanisms of emotion, leading to humans interpreting their internal state based on their surroundings. The more intense the state is, the more it can get confused, so you might confuse fight-or-flight excitement with romantic arousal, or a strong protective instinct with aggression. However, it lacks elements of anger or fear, so nobody actually harms the subject of the “aggression”, but they’ll do things like grit their teeth.

Probably a quiet, she-she bar, which won’t last a year…