Drabble by Kevin Fagan for August 21, 2022

Speaking of expiration dates, you keep eating like that and you may reach yours sooner than you think, Ralph!

How do sprinkles last past their expiration date with Ralph around?

They’re just sugar — sugar doesn’t have an expiration date.

If you have sprinkles beyond their expiration date you are an amateur and we can’t be friends.

They are not expiration dates, they’re best before dates, and are responsible for a huge amount of food waste.

They last longer if you get the metal-coated shiny ones.

People on the web show pictures of SALT with “expiration” dates. The salt is millions of years old when bottled. This is like gluten free water. The date is the best by date, not the expiration date. I’m like Ralph, I ignore them.

Candy coated sugar pellets can go bad???

I worked in product development for a health and wellness company, and we made pain relievers and various creams and supplements. We knew from experience and lab tests that our products lasted for many years and were still just as effective, but the FDA would not allow an expiration date on the packaging of more than 3 years. I suspect a maximum length legally allowed is true for many non-perishable food items as well.

Nothing to worry about — expiration dates only apply to food. Sprinkles don’t count.

♪♫ "One is a number that Ralph will never do.

Two is just as bad as one, it’s another number Ralph has never done…" ♪♫

To Ralph, Sprinkles are good enough, even when they are not at their best!

I know someone like this.

Sprinkles are made from sugar and wax. The same ingredients in Candy Corn.

Bleach and hydrogen peroxide will weaken significantly over time.

Tune in tomorrow for a Very Special Episode of Drabble, as Ralph dies of food poisoning…