FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for April 05, 2023

Roger makes a joke like that again, Paige, and you’ll do what?

The guppies will definitely come nibble at your arm when you reach in. It doesn’t hurt, but it can tickle a little.

You know some people pay good money for that kind of exfoliation.

Did you know piranha can strip a toddler to the bone in 2 minutes? I learned that they day I got banned from the aquarium.

My plastic plants are weighted. Never would they float. Quit buying them at the Dollar Store.

“And will you please stop singing that refrain from the ‘Red Dwarf’ Theme Song!?”

♪♫ “Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes, fun, fun, fun…” ♪♫

Guppies will absolutely nibble on your fingers when you put your hands in the tank. It doesn’t hurt, though

Why do you think the water’s warm, Peter?

Baby piranhas are easy to spot, they look like a tooth

Piranha means “tooth fish” in Tupi, and yes,

Its sharp teeth are a prominent trait,

But it’s not very likely to skeletonize you.

It doesn’t deserve all the hate.

When Theodore Roosevelt went to Brazil,

He declared it the fiercest of fish.

Well, we’ve learned that Brazilians had starved those piranhas.

To put on a show was the wish.

You might get a nibble when close to their eggs,

And their jaw muscles really are strong,

But the coroners say that the tales where piranhas

Eat humans alive are all wrong.

The red-bellied ones tend to swim in big shoals,

But that isn’t to hunt like in packs.

They have the same reason as many small fishes:

Protection from hunters’ attacks.

It does stand to reason that fishes that small

Would be loath to attack a large prey.

They’ve sooner resorted to cannibalism.

We humans could scare them away.

In fact, there are species that don’t prefer meat,

Such as some that live chiefly on seeds.

There is one with flat teeth in the genus Tometes

That munches on just river weeds.

Piranhas might go for a nearly dead human.

The same could be said of a vulture.

The latter’s not feared much, so why should the former?

It’s simply a myth of our culture.

This must be an old one. Paige isn’t sticking her feet in to get a pedicure.