Ben by Daniel Shelton for April 05, 2023

Ben is not an ‘old Fuddy Duddy’, he is a purist.

Does that make him the purest of purists?

Be(e)n there, done that.

I’m with Ben on this one

My husband and I order “2 black coffees” and the person ALWAYS responds, “Would you like cream and sugar with that?” We repeat our order and the guy responds the same way! Then we say, “We drink our coffee black—that means no cream or sugar.” The guy looks at us as if we are speaking a foreign language because he can’t conceive coffee that isn’t choked with additives.

My dad always claimed that if the Good Lord wanted cream and sugar in coffee He’d have put it in the beans.

I overheard a gal asking for a decaf with skim milk. Her companion looked at her in mock horror and asked “Why bother?” then turned to the barista and said, “Just give her a glass of warm water.” After a couple of playful swats, the girl got her decaf and skim milk. I agree with him, though. Why bother? I’ve never seen the point to decaf coffee.

When a StarBucks is the only coffee shop and I really need some “coffee” I’ll have to try to place this order and see what type of reaction I get!

I like the taste of coffee, not any other weird flavors. Flavoring has always been just for those who don’t really like the taste of coffee.

When I go to Harvey’s Hamburgers (Canada) I always order a “boring burger” Cheeseburger with relish, nothing else. The staff is used to me ordering that, and knows what I want. A&W? Mozza Burger, onion rings, and root beer. Heaven on earth.

That’s why I go to McDs for my dollar coffee not 4+ coffee at those places. Coffees coffee

Starbucks hates it when I ask for a ‘pour-over large coffee, explaining that I don’t speak ‘Starbucks.’

Piffil, rookies. My tea order, "Black Tea from the Assam Provence, picked by left-handed, Red headed virgins, from south facing slopes, prepared in ph 7.2 water at 98 C and steeped for precisely 4.5 minutes.

I’m surprised he didn’t say “We don’t serve your kind here”.

do people placing complicated orders like that know how dweeby they sound?

Don’t look so smug, Opal. Ben’s coffee is cheaper and less calories.

The barista grew up watching reruns of The Bob Newhart show, right? In one episode Bob and some of the others go out for ice cream, to a place that specializes in elaborate sundaes (all with cute names, of course) that are loaded with multiple scoops of ice cream and multiple toppings. Bob won’t play the game and just orders a dish of plain vanilla, so his waiter (John Ritter, I believe) and a couple of others point to him and chant, “Single scooper, single scooper, this man is a party pooper!”

Ben to barista: “I can take my business elsewhere – anywhere else.”

Like in politics, the man is being smeared because he will be paying less money for services he wants, not paying more money for unwanted services.

I’ve never been a tea or coffee drinker.