Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins for February 29, 2024

A villain with a heart of gold!

Well, that’s a relief.

We are all for socially responsible crime.

A real life “Robin Hood”!!!!!!

Keep the change.

Many, (many) years ago I was bartending in New York City. I really didn’t like the place I was working in. The customers were cheap and the owner was surly and even cheaper.

At almost the end of a particularly bad night, we got held up. Three guys came in with guns and the usual demand, " Gimme your money! "

Just what I needed! “Look,” I groused, hands raised, at one of the robbers, as he was cleaning out the cash register, " Take all you want from the till but leave my dámn tip cup alone! I’ve had a f-ing lousy enough night with these cheapskates!"

He looked into my tip jar and said “Man, you sure have!” And with that, he took a $20 bill from his loot and stuffed it into my tip cup.

Afterwards, the owner wanted me to give him the twenty bucks. I refused and quit on the spot. The two cops investigating the robbery laughed their tails off and slapped me on the back as I walked out the door.

Oooh yeah? There’s no such thing…who are you kidding?

☺️☺️☺️

He started a GoFundMe, but after he disappeared it became a GoFindMe.

How considerate! Also, can I spend a moment to appreciate the drawing of the thief’s shoes? I mean, the whole thing is gorgeous, BUT THOSE SHOES! I love them!

Now we can feel good about getting mugged!

“Or you could just let me keep my watch.”

Terry Pratchett had a thieves guild in his stories … they gave receipts so if you were mugged again you could use it to get out of the mugging. the guild regulated the thieves and if anyone tried to brake the guild ruled … well lets just say there was an assassins’ guild too.

the government benefits from it too, they had to pay taxes

“…the victim’s relief fund.”

1) Not the victims’ relief fund? So it only relieves one victim?

2) Somebody actually makes a relief map of where muggings take place?